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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743281">ying and yang 2DOC (unfinished)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimiv/pseuds/mimiv'>mimiv</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gorillaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2doc Week 2020 (Gorillaz), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Fluff and Smut, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, References to Drugs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:42:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimiv/pseuds/mimiv</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>2 idiots falling in love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Murdoc Niccals &amp; Stuart "2D" Pot, Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. chapter one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first story and my first time using AO3, English is also not my first language so if you have any tips or see a sentence that just doesnt make any sense, please let me know! </p><p>I'm not trying to write the most accurate fic, timing wise (Gorillaz timing confuses me ngl and im writing this for fun haha). Also the house that they live in, in this fic is completely random hehe.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2D had always liked the idea of love. Loving people, places, things, <em>romance.</em> He had always loved the feeling of being in love with someone. People had always poked fun at him for falling in love too fast, too easy and too hard. He often fell in love with people who didn't feel the same toward him. He just couldn't help it. It just came so naturally to him. Even before his accident, that resulted in him having permanent brain damage, he didn't have much of a problem with forgetting and forgiving the actions of others. He had always felt sadness and empathy for people who were angry. Angry at the world for making life so hard for them. Angry at their parents for their rocky upbringing. Angry at past lovers who had betrayed them. And people who were angry for no reason. He had always wished he could make life just a bit easier for others.</p><p>2D sat up in his bed and grabbed a cigarette from the carton. He looked for his lighter on his messy bed stand. When he had finally found it, he used it to light the cigarette that he had placed in between his lips.</p><p>He had always hated it when people mockingly called him dumb, stupid, or innocent. Naïve, maybe? Dense, probably? Childish, absolutely. But dumb? Stupid? Innocent? Absolutely not. It always made him chuckle whenever people called him <em>too innocent to understand.</em></p><p>2D took a long drag from his cigarette and walked towards his mirror. <em>Innocent. </em>He stared at his reflection for little while. His messy blue hair, pale face and dark under eye bags. <em>Innocent. </em>2D slowly walked into his bathroom and started rummaging through his medicine cabinet above the sink. After a while he found the thing that he was looking for. A bottle of painkillers. He shook a few painkillers (probably more than necessary) from the bottle into his hand and swallowed them with some water from the tab. He then threw the burned out cigarette, that he forgot he had placed on the sink, into the toilet. <em>Innocent. </em>He felt a cold shiver creep over his body. 2D liked to keep his bedroom window open at all times, since the cool air helped lessen his headaches. It made his room permanently chilly during the colder months.</p><p>2D walked back into his bedroom and picked up a blue oversized sweater from the always growing pile of stuff on his floor. He then turned to his dresser and found some pink socks and a pair of black jeans. After getting dressed he slowly started walking downstairs.</p><p>He had been waking up early for a while now so that he could enjoy the silent mornings in solitude. He walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see his bandmate and <em>'adopted younger sister'</em> Noodle, sitting in a chair at the table. She had her legs up on the table and was intensely staring down at her phone.</p><p>"Morning Noods, whatcha doing?" Noodle looked up from her phone and smiled at the blue haired man. "Morning Tootchie!" 2D smiled at the nickname that Noodle had given him when she was a young girl.</p><p>"Nothing much, just replying to emails." Noodle sighed and put her phone down on the table. "So many emails! I absolutely hate replying to them!" 2D laughed at the annoyed face Noodle was making at her phone. "Have you been answering your emails, Tootchie?" Noodle asked whilst running her fingers through her black hair.</p><p> </p><p>"Nope, I aven't." He starts giggling thinking about the automated response people get when they try to email him. He had turned it on a long time ago, when he realised that staring at emails on his phone screen for a long time gave him almost instant migraines. The automated response says something along the lines of; <em>Hii, I'm 2D, im the singer. I </em><em>cant reply to your email right now, please email Noodle if it's something important. </em>A grin spread across his pale face. That's probably why Noodle has so many emails!</p><p>2D grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge and placed it on the kitchen counter. He then took a box of dinosaur shaped cereal and one of the only clean bowls left, from the kitchen cabinet. After a while of searching through the kitchen utensils, 2D found a clean spoon.</p><p>He walked over to the messy table and sat down next to Noodle after he had made his cereal. "Look Noods! It's dinosaur shaped cereal!" He excitingly showed her his bowl. Noodle looked up from her phone again and chuckled at the fully grown man who was pointed at the cereal in his bowl. "Aw, that's really cute! I love it Tootchie." She grabbed the box of cereal and looked at it.</p><p>2D started eating and spilled some milk on the table. He rubbed it clean with his sleeve before Noodle could see the mess he made. "Tootchie, it says on the box that there's supposed to be a dinosaur toy in the box." She shakes the box a few times and looks inside of it. "Did you take it out already?" 2d stops eating to look up at Noodle. "No did not." He picks his spoon up again to continue eating, but then he sees that Noodle is still staring at him. "Okay, maybe I did." He mumbles whilst his face turns red. Noodle starts laughing and puts the box down. "That's okay Tootchie, you can have it." 2D smiles at her. "I put it on my dresser, looks cool."</p><p>He knows that Noodle loves to put random little knickknacks all over her room. Her room is everything but minimalistic. She has a very clean room even though it's completely covered. She likes to call it; '<em>an organized mess', </em>and it truly is.</p><p>After 2D had finished eating breakfast, he had just sat on the couch watching zombie movies on tv, for a few hours. Noodle had been busy answering emails and had made him some tea. Eventually she had gone to her room, she worked out every day, so she was probably doing that. Russel had been out helping friends with their projects, he often liked to stay with friends if he didn't have a practice to attend. If he was home, he hung out with Noodle a lot. He could be very blunt and harsh with his words, but 2D definitely would consider him a good friend.</p><p>Murdoc had been drinking a lot pretty much every day, whilst <em>"working on writing music in the studio". </em>2D made it a habit to check on him a couple times a day, if he remembered to, to see if he was still alive and doing okay. Murdoc had been <em>nice </em>to 2D. Still, 2D didn't like to hang out with Murdoc for too long. He was scared that he would somehow ruin the friendly mood that Murdoc had been in, and he really tried to avoid doing that at all cost.</p><p>2D was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest on the couch. It was already the afternoon and he felt that it was time to check on the bassist.</p><p>He walked to the kitchen to make some tea for him, since he was pretty sure that he had only consumed alcohol today, and probably yesterday too.</p><p>He carefully walked up the stairs to find the bassist, whilst holding a cup of peppermint tea. "Murdoc, are you in here?" He yelled when he arrived at the studio. When he didn't get a reaction, he carefully opened the door.</p><p>It was dim in the room and he could smell the scent of alcohol and a smell that he could only describe as; a person that hasn't showered in a while.</p><p>His eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room and he started looking around. There he was, asleep on the couch.</p><p>"Murdoc, wake up, it's me, ...2D." He placed the cup of tea on the side table next to the couch and crouched down next to the sleeping Murdoc. He smiled at the snoring man, he looks so peaceful when he sleeps.</p><p>2D knows by now that Murdoc doesnt like it when he touches him abruptly, so he doesn't. "Murdoc, wake up!" He raises his voice a bit. Murdoc let's out a grunt, whilst his eyes open slowly. "Good afternoon, sunshine." 2D giggles, standing up straight again with his hands on his hips.</p><p>Murdoc slowly sits up whilst stretching his body like an old cat. "Ey, Stu. Wassup." He slurs his words.</p><p>"Made you some tea Muds." 2D hands him the tea and sits next to him on the couch.</p><p>"Oh, thanks Stu." Murdoc yawns and lazily places his hand on 2D his shoulder. <em>Really smooth.</em></p><p>2D feels a soft smile creep over his face. "How you doing, Muds?" He asks. He hasn't really spoken a lot with Murdoc, but Murdoc seems to be in a good mood, so he doesn't mind sticking around in the studio for a bit.</p><p>"Ah, I'm feeling as young as ever, a bit dizzy though." He answers whilst twisting his spine, this results in a loud cracking sound. "How about you, Stu?"</p><p>"Having a bit of a headache, but the darkness helps." 2D points at his head. Murdoc feels a pang of guilt in his chest, but decides to ignore it.</p><p>"I did eat dinosaur shaped cereal with Noods this morning, and I watched hours of zombie movies, so I'm good." 2D looks excited to tell Murdoc about his day.</p><p>Murdoc laughs, 2D always seems to make him feel better. A lot of people would hear the singer talk and call him innocent, but Murdoc knows better. He used to call him dumb and stupid, but deep down he knows 2D is just a lovely fella. <em>Kind.</em></p><p>He takes his hand of the blue haired man's shoulder and takes a sip of his tea. The hot peppermint tea certainly tasted good, after not drinking anything but alcohol for a while.<br/>
2D feels the emptiness on his shoulder, and secretly wishes to be touched my Murdoc again. "So, how's the writing going?" He looks down at the ground at Murdocs notebook.</p><p>"It's uh, not going great." Murdoc takes another sip of tea and looks down at the notebook. "I haven't been very inspired to write, I dunno what I should write about."</p><p>2D squeezes his bandmember's hand softly, careful not to make any sudden movements with his arm. "You're a brilliant writer Muds, I'm sure you'll think of something soon." <em>Kind.</em></p><p>Murdoc blushes slightly and smiles at the singer. <em>Brilliant. </em>He likes that. "Yea, uh well, ...I hope so."</p><p>After having shared stories, laughter, cigarettes and the couch in the studio together, 2D decides that it's probably time to go, Murdoc would probably want some alone time now.</p><p>He slowly starts pushing himself off the couch, but when Murdoc stretches his arm out in front of him, he stops trying to stand up.</p><p>"Where are you going, Stu?" 2D carefully looks at the man he had just shared the couch with for probably over a few hours.</p><p>"I dunno..., just thought you'd probably want me to leave now..." 2D scratches his head whilst awkwardly sitting half on, half off the couch.</p><p>"We haven't spoken in a while Stu..., it almost feels..., like you're avoiding me." <em>Did Murdoc just sound sad?</em></p><p>2D doesn't know how to respond to this, while he hasn't been avoiding him, he certainly has tried to cut the time they spend together short. He just doesn't want to ruin it, mess it up, <em>for once.</em></p><p>"Well uh..., I just thought..., you'd like to spend some time...alone." 2D doesn't look at the man sitting next to him, he feels uncomfortable.</p><p>"Oh..." Murdoc grabs a cigarette and places it in between his chapped lips, before grabbing a second one and handing it to 2D.</p><p>2D sees this as an invitation to stay, and he let's his body lean into the couch again. "You..., don't want me to leave yet?" He softly mumbles.</p><p>Murdoc pulls out his lighter and lights the cigarette that's in 2D's mouth. He stares and the singers chapped lips for a bit and let's out a sigh. 2D is awkwardly looking away and doesn't seem to notice the bassist's glare.</p><p>"No Stu,... not really." Murdoc feels a bit uncomfortable admitting this to the singer. He then proceeds to light the cigarette that's hanging from his own mouth.</p><p>2D chuckles, <em>he doesnt want him to leave</em>. He takes a long drag from his cigarette and looks over to the man sitting next to him. "Should we go downstairs to eat something?" He notices the soft noices his stomach makes and the darkness outside through the window.</p><p>"Yea..., that sounds like a plan Stu." Murdoc thinks about the last time he ate some actual food, it's hard to remember through the daze of drunken dizziness in his head.</p><p>After they both had finished smoking, they headed downstairs. It was quiet, and it didn't seem like there was anybody else downstairs with them.</p><p>Murdoc walks to the fridge and grabs two beers, one for him, and one for the singer. He hands a beer to 2D and looks around for food in the dirty kitchen.</p><p>"Eggs?" 2D asks pointing at some eggs on the counter.</p><p>Murdoc grins as he thinks about all the times 2D has burned eggs on the stove that the blue haired man is standing in front of.</p><p>"Yea..., but Stu..." he walks over to the singer. "Lemme make them."</p><p>2D chuckles, Murdoc probably isn't in the mood for burned eggs today. "Oh yea, sure." He walks out of Murdoc's way, away from the stove.</p><p>After Murdoc had finished baking the eggs, he walked toward the couch holding up two plates and two forks. There wasn't any bread left, or much of anything else edible really.</p><p>2D follows the bassist to the couch, holding a beer and a cup of orange juice. He puts he beer in front of Murdoc and sits down on the couch, holding his orange juice.</p><p>"Tastes good Muds." He says with a smile on his face and with his mouth stuffed with egg.</p><p>When they had both finished eating, 2D stands up from the couch and collects the dirty dishes from the table in front of him. He walks to the kitchens and dumps the dishes in the sink.</p><p>His stomach feels full and he starts to feel tired. Could be a side effect from the (too many) painkillers he took this morning. He walks back to where Murdoc is sitting and let's himself fall on the couch with a soft thud. The tv was still turned on, on some random SciFi channel, from when he was watching movies earlier today.</p><p>Murdoc is smoking another cigarette and has his legs stretched out on the table in front of him. He frowns at the singer, who doesn't seem to be in the mood for talking anymore. He debates going back upstairs, leaving 2D on the couch, but something inside of him convinces him to stay.</p><p>The silence that's hanging in between the two bandmates, isn't an awkward silence, the opposite. <em>It's quite peaceful. A comfortable silence.</em></p><p>2D's body starts to sink more in to the couch, he's struggling to keep his heavy eyelids open and he can feel himself starting to fall asleep.</p><p>Murdoc flicks the cigarette bud on the floor and looks at the man beside him. 2D's head is awkwardly hanging to side and there's some drool dripping from his mouth. Murdoc let's out a snicker, it's a funny image to see the singer like this.</p><p>He then starts to inch closer to 2D, so that his head can clean on his shoulder. Wouldn't want the singer to wake up with a stiff neck. His own thoughts surprise him, <em>he cares about 2D? Doesn't want him to be in pain?</em></p><p>Murdoc feels the singers soft blue strawberry scented hair tickle his neck. The singer had probably used Noodles shampoo again. <em>This is quite pleasant actually. </em>Murdoc groans and rolls his eyes. He tries to focus on the tv, but he really isn't interested and can't bring himself to grab the remote.</p><p>He feels himself starting to relax into the couch, whilst leaning into the sleeping singer. <em>Comfortable.</em></p><p>A warmth starts to creep over his cheeks. He has always had a thing for 2D, but he knows that the singer doesnt feel the same way about him. Could he blame him? He hasn't exactly made his life easy.</p><p>Murdoc puts his hand on the singers leg and starts to draw small circles with his finger on his knee. <em>If only the singer can find it in his heart to forgive him.</em></p><p>After a little while of smoking and letting his mind wander freely, Murdoc starts to fall asleep.</p><p>His body relaxes completely and eyes close. His legs are still resting on the table and his hand is holding the singers knee.</p><p>Their sleeping bodies lean more into each other and their breathing find the same rhythm.</p><p>If an outsider were to walk in on them, they would think that they had fallen asleep cuddling, whilst watching tv. <em>Comfortable.</em></p><p>The next morning Noodle walks into the living room with a magazine in her hand and her earphones plugged into her ears. It's still very early and she doesnt expect anyone to be up yet. She feels like she might go for a run today, since the weather is supposed to be quite nice. Last night she had gotten a text from her father figure, Russel. He was planning on coming home today and getting some groceries on the way there. He already knew that the other bandmates probably hadn't gone out to get food, and he was right.</p><p>Noodle hears the sound of the TV in the background. <em>Tootchie probably fell asleep on the couch whilst watching movies. </em>It wouldn't be the first time.</p><p>She rolls her eyes and walks towards the noice to turn the tv of. <em>Murdoc would be pissed if he knew that the TV was still turned on, he is the one who pays the bills after all.</em></p><p>Noodle gets snapped out of her thoughts when she sees her two bandmates asleep on the couch. <em>Cuddling? </em>She honestly doesn't even want to know what they did last night on the couch, but she had to admit, they look really peaceful. She rolls her eyes and chuckles lightly at the bizarre image in front of her. She just looks at the two men on the couch for a while, unsure of what to do.</p><p><em>If I wake them up, it would probably piss of Murdoc and he might even push Tootchie onto the floor, causing him to hit his head. </em>No, waking them up doesn't seem like a good idea. She grabs the remote from the floor and presses the power button, causing the TV to turn off.</p><p>Might as well go for a run, since there's no food and she doesn't feel like waking the men up.</p><p>2D slowly opens his eyes and tries to adjust to the bright light around him. As he stretches his arms above his neck, a sudden jolt of pain in head causes his arms to crash back down into his lap. "Aaa..., shit!" He hisses. He holds his head in his lap until the sharp pain starts to fade. His hands start to fidget with the blue strands of his hair. Finally he attempts to sit up again, but when he moves, the room moves with him. "Stupid, stupid head..." His eyes open slowly and his vision is cloudy. A nausea creeps over his body and all he can focus on is trying not to throw up. Suddenly he feels a weight on his shoulder.</p><p>"Are you okay, Stu?"</p><p>He hesitates to turn his head towards the person next to him, not wanting to make himself more nauseous. He tries to remember what had happened the night before. <em>Why did he not take his painkillers before falling asleep on the couch like a dumbass.</em></p><p>"Stu...? Do you need anything?"</p><p>He moves his head slightly toward where the voice is coming from causing another jolt of sharp pain to hit his head. "Shit, shit... my head hurts." He groans from the pain. <em>It feels like someone is slicing my head open with a butter knife. </em>2D's eyes begin to water and he let's his head sink into his lap again.</p><p>"Er..., fuck... I'll get your painkillers, okay... Wait here, don't move..."</p><p>2D hears the person next to him leave the room, he slowly opens his eyes again and carefully turns his head, that's still hanging down in his lap, to where the person was sitting. <em>Empty. </em>"Come on stupid head..., think... what happened last night." He mutters to himself. <em>He was talking to Murdoc on the couch and must've fallen asleep next to him. </em>"Oh...shit,...did I wake him up." He really hopes that he didn't. The footsteps come back into the room. <em>Murdoc.</em></p><p>"Here Stu." Murdoc pushes the bottle of painkillers into his hand, not knowing how many the singer was prescribed to take.</p><p>He slowly lifts up his head and quickly opens the bottle with shaky hands. 2D shakes a few pills into his hand and pops them into his mouth.</p><p>"Got you some water too..."</p><p>The singer takes the cup of water out of his hands and swallows all the pills in one go. A shaky exhale leaves his mouth. <em>Don't throw up, don't let the pills go to waste.</em></p><p>Murdoc takes the cup of water and the bottle of pills out of his hands and places it on the table in front of them.</p><p>He slowly starts rubbing the singers back, hoping that the pills would start to affect him soon. There it is again, that uncomfortable feeling. <em>Guilt.</em></p><p>2D is not sure how much time has passed when he finally feels okay enough to sit up straight. He glances over to the man who's still rubbing circles on his back. "Thanks Muds... you didn't have to help me like that."</p><p>Murdoc flashes an uncomfortable smile at singer. <em>Yes he did, it was his fault that he needed the help in the first place. </em>"No problem Stu, are you feeling okay again?"</p><p>"Yea..., I think so." The singer says whilst rubbing his eyes.</p><p>Murdoc stops rubbing his back and uses his arms to lift himself up from the couch. He starts walking towards the kitchen. "Okay, good...,I'm too sober for this bloody bullshit."But he know's he's lying to himself. He <em>wants </em>to take care of <em>his</em> singer.</p><p>2D repositions himself on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest. Once he's comfortable he let's out a heavy sigh. <em>Why do I want murdoc to keep rubbing my back, even when my headache is mostly gone? </em>The singer grabs the cup of water in front of him and takes a gulp. His mind wanders and all he can think about is Murdoc touching him on his back, or anywhere else really. He can feel his cheeks getting red and his shoulders relax at the thought.</p><p>Murdoc walks back into the room holding a bottle of booze and a beer. Both are for himself, but he wouldn't mind if 2D wants to take a sip. He grins to himself and plops down on the couch again. He smirks at the blue haired man. "You're looking a lot better now..., with your red cheeks."</p><p><em>Oh shit. Does he know that I was thinking about him? No...how could he know. </em>He watches the older man take the cap off the bottle with his teeth.</p><p>Murdoc takes a few big gulps and relaxes his body into the couch. He then notices the blue haired man's stare. "You liking whatcha see?" When he sees the singer's face getting redder be can't help but laugh. <em>Maybe he does.</em></p><p>2D is unsure of what to respond and whether or not he should respond at all. He is visibly flustered.</p><p>"I was joking!" Murdoc winks at the singer still having a smile plastered over his face.</p><p>"Oh...I thought-"</p><p>2D is cut off by an excited and slightly sweaty Noodle who jumps on the couch in between them.</p><p>Murdoc almost spills his booze over the couch. "Fuck Noodle!" He puts the bottle down on the table. "You surprised me!"</p><p>Noodle starts laughing. "Sorry forgot about your age for a minute there!" She winks at Murdoc. <em>Old man. </em>"You guys surprised me too this morning!"</p><p>Murdoc frowns at the younger woman next to him, visibly annoyed. "Why?"</p><p>Noodle starts laughing again at the annoyed old man. "No...no! You guys looked cute all cuddled up on the couch!" Her eyes get watery from laughing. "Was it a scary movie Muds?" A tear rolls down her face.</p><p>2D doesn't know whether he should laugh with Noodle or be annoyed at her for staring at then whilst they were asleep.</p><p>"No, Noodle... that's bullshit!" Murdoc yells at her. "Pssh cuddling" he hisses. <em>Were they cuddling? </em>All he knows is that he had slept comfortably next to the singer.</p><p>2D sits up. "We weren't watching a movies Noods! We were just talking and we must've fallen asleep..." He isn't sure if this is the answer she wants to hear, but he also doesn't want her piss Murdoc off even more.</p><p>Noodle stops laughing and stands up from the couch. "Well I guess I'll let you two catch up where you left off..." she winks at both men that both seem to have question marks written all over their faces. "Don't come into my room! I'm gonna take a shower!" She yells as she runs up the stairs.</p><p>"Fuck that kid...that's bullshit..." Murdoc groans.</p><p>"Well..., I liked hanging out with you yesterday Muds!" 2D gives Murdoc a sincere and adorable halve smile.</p><p>Murdoc can't help but smile at the younger man next to him. "Yea... I liked it too..." he says softly. It's almost as if he was talking to himself. <em>Shit, he really just wants to grab the singer and pull him close to him and-</em> Murdocstops his own thoughts as he feels his face heating up, he forces himself up from the couch. "I'm gonna go upstairs for a bit, Stu." The bassist grabs his bottles from the table. "See you later hmm?" He mumbles, not sure if the singer had heard him.</p><p>2D flashes a smile at him. "Yea...sure...later."</p><p>Murdoc nods at him with his mind visibly somewhere else. He leaves the room, not saying anything else.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. chapter two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="">2D notices his own body odor and decides that he should probably take a shower and get changed. When he gets to his bathroom he strips out of his clothing and turns the shower on. He steps under the shower, once the water is the temperature he likes, <em>hot</em>. He feels a bit weird after what happened tonight. Murdoc had been nice to him for a while now and had even apologized to him for all the shitty things had done, but sleeping on the couch together, <em>cuddling</em> (as Noodle had described it), that was a first.</p><p>His body relaxes as the hot shower water drips down his face. The opioids started to make him feel numb and drowsy, <em>but really good.</em> He slowly drags his fingernails over his scalp, through his hair. He starts fingercombing through the knots that have formed in his blue hair on the back of his head, with closed and heavy eyelids.</p><p>The singer can't stop thinking about Murdoc, no matter how hard he tries. <em>How can I possibly have feelings for him. He's the reason for my pain... </em>He grabs the bar of soap and starts rubbing it over his wet skin. <em>He has also been the reason for my happiness lately...</em></p><p>He starts humming softly whilst cleaning his body. After he's done washing his body he turns the shower off. He shivers when he feels the cold air wrap around his naked body. The singer groans and quickly grabs a towel, loosely hanging it around his tall and scrawny body. He clumsily walks into his bedroom, trying not to trip over the mess on his floor. He gets dressed in some clean boxers and a sweater whilst having difficulty keeping his balance.</p><p>The singer tries to swallow and notices his dry and scratchy throat. Painkillers often had this effect on him. He grabs his empty cup and fills it with water. After drinking a few cups of water, he lies down under the blanket. A foggy cloud starts to form in his mind and his vision starts to get blurry. He let's his head sink into his cigarette scented pillow and his thoughts start to fade until there's nothing left on his mind to think about. 2D slowly let's his eyes close as he feels the tiredness taking over his body.</p><p>~~</p><p>Murdoc had been walking outside trying to clear his thoughts whilst smoking and drinking from the flask that he carried with him, pretty much wherever he goes. It didn't seem to have worked as well as he had hoped it would, which angered him. There's still one thing, <em>no, one person,</em> on his mind. The thought of his singer made him feel soft, <em>and extremely annoyed.</em></p><p>He walked back into his room and lazily threw the coat that he had been wearing on the dirty floor. His room was lit with a dusty and dim glow, the light reflecting off his mirror and off the multiple glass bottles that were scattered all over the floor, making little glints of light bounce on the cealing. The bassist takes notice of his irregular heartbeat and nervousness. He subconsciously pulls his hand shakily toward his lips and starts picking at the loose pieces of dry skin. His mind seems to keep pulling him back to the singer. Murdoc picks harder at his lips with every sweet, <em>but annoying </em>thought he has about the singer. Eventually his lips start bleeding and the taste of blood enters his mouth. "Fuck..." Murdoc groans and drags his long and scarp fingernails over his scalp, through his thick black hair, trying to calm himself down.</p><p>He remembers that he had invited the singer to spend more time with him, <em>later. </em>Did the brain damaged man forget about this invite, <em>or did he simply not feel like spending more time with the pathetic, old alcoholic. </em>A heavy feeling lingers over his chest as his fingers start to fidget with his lips once more. He notices and stops himself from doing more damage to his already bloody lips. The bassist can't help but spiral in these nauseating thoughts, until his tiredness knocks down his body, and pushes him into an uncomfortable sleep.</p><p> </p><p>2D wakes up hours after he had fallen asleep, with his head on a wet pillow, caused by his wet hair from the shower he had taken before laying down on top of it. He rolls his body over to be able to grab his phone from his nightstand. "Shit..." The singer remembers that he had been asked, <em>well sort of</em>, to spend time with Murdoc. He doesn't remember him mentioning a time, but he could've just forgotten about it. <em>Stupid head. </em>He really hopes that Murdoc hadn't mentioned a time and that he hadn't made him angry. <em>Please don't mess it up.</em></p><p>2D notices a message from his bandmember, Russel, that he had received about an hour before. In the message, Russel let's him know that he is bringing home some pizza's after doing groceries. The singer's stomach rumbles when he thinks about food. <em>When was the last time I ate?</em></p><p>2D sits up and puts his phone back down on his nightstand. He grabs a cigarette and lights it in between his lips. The nicotine gives him a slight buzz, making the singer moan softly. He gets out of his warm bed and drags himself into his bathroom, with his cigarette still in his mouth. 2D swallows a few, but not too many, sleeping pills after he empties his full blatter. <em>Just preventing future headaches. </em>He flicks the cigarette bud into the toilet and flushes, something he often forgets to do, leaving his bathroom to smell like piss. He let's out a soft giggle thinking about it.</p><p>2D runs his fingers through his hair to try and make himself look more presentable and less like he just woke up. He flashes himself a smile and winks at own his reflection.</p><p>The singer decides to go downstairs to check up on the status of the pizza that Russel was bringing.</p><p>The thought of Murdoc being downstairs gives him a nervous feeling. <em>What if the bassist had just waited for him in his bedroom all this time? </em>He feels a feeling of guilt and nausea washing over him, making him forget about his hunger.</p><p>Noodle is sitting downstairs on the couch holding a gameboy. She seems to be playing a fighting game and her whole body moves as she aggressively presses the buttons. 2D sits down besides her and tries to look at the screen, the gameboy moves to fast for him to see what she's playing.</p><p>"Shit Tootchie, I lost!" Noodle throws the gameboy on the floor. <em>A sore loser.</em></p><p>2D chuckles and picks the gameboy up from the floor and puts it back into her hands. "Try again Noods." He winks at her and pulls his knees up to his chest. "You can't win if you break the thing..."</p><p>Noodle scoots closer to the singer and grins. "That's true..." She tilts the gameboy a little so that 2D can see the screen, as she restarts the game. "I am an amazing fighter overall!"</p><p>2D smiles and looks over at the gameboy in her hands. He notices that she tilted the gameboy slightly, but because of her quick movements, he still isn't able to see what's happening on the screen very well, so he gives up on trying.</p><p>Noodle starts cursing under her breath whilst pressing the buttons way harder than necessary. 2D just stares at his younger bandmember who seems to be winning this time around.</p><p>"Yes! I won!" She smirks. "Ofcourse I did!" Noodle places the gameboy on the table and folds her hands behind her head.</p><p>2D wants to ask her about the game, but gets cut off before he can even start to speak.</p><p>"Russ! You're home!" Noodle yells as she hears the front door slam shut. She jumps up, walks out of the room, and helps Russel carry the bags and boxes to the kitchen.</p><p>"Hey kid!" He let's her hold some bags, but keeps holding the majority of the bags himself.</p><p>Once he has placed everything down, he puts his hands into the pockets of his oversized hoodie, he stares at the mess in the kitchen and grunts.</p><p>Noodle walks up to him and pulls him into a hug. Russel takes his hands out of his pockets and rushes them through her hair. "Did everything go alright, kid?" He looks around the room to see if everything is still intact. "Nothing burned down?"</p><p>"Nope, not this time." Noodle winks at him and playfully sticks out her toung.</p><p>"Okay, good." Russel starts putting away groceries and cleaning the counter a bit. "How's 2D? And the old man?"</p><p>"They're okay, I'm sure." Noodle starts helping him, putting away groceries. "I even caught them asleep on the couch this morning. <em>Cuddling!"</em></p><p>Russel stops what he's doing for a moment to look over at Noodles face to see if she's messing with him. "Cuddling?" He asks when he doesn't detect any satire.</p><p>Noodle flashes a big grin and puts a carton of milk in the fridge. "Yes! I swear!"</p><p>Russel frowns as if he's sunken deep into his own thought, but continues cleaning up the counter. "I don't know what is going on between the two of them, but if that old satanist is messing with Stu's feelings..." he mumbles angrily to himself. "He won't have many days left to live."</p><p>Noodle frowns, she hadn't thought about it like that, she just found it cute. She really doesn't like seeing 2D getting hurt. She knows he can handle the physical pain (with some help from his trusty painkillers ofcourse), but mental pain? <em>The singer breaks down over the silliest things. </em>She shakes her head whilst thinking. No, he wouldn't be able to handle it.</p><p>Russel hands Noodle the boxes of pizza, keeping one for himself. "Can you share these with the other two."</p><p>Noodle nods at him and takes the boxes out of his big hands.</p><p>He let's out a yawn, stretching his entire body out. "I think I'm going to my room, I have some things to unpack and I am exhausted." He pets Noodle's head. "See you later kid?"</p><p>Noodle smiles and nods. "See you later Russ!"</p><p>Russel walks over to the couch to greet 2D. The singer is nervously tapping his fingers on his knee whilst keeping his focus on the TV, that he had turned on.</p><p>"Hey Stu." Russel taps him on the shoulder to get his attention.</p><p>2D looks up at him and flashes a toothless smile. "Ey Russ!" He stands up to hug him. "How you been?"</p><p>"Good Stu, how about you?" Russel wants to keep the conversation short, to be able to sleep earlier.</p><p>"Been good, bit of a headache, but nothing I can't handle." 2D let's his attention fall back on the TV, and sits back down. "The zombies in this movie are crazy... two headed monsters...but, with feelings." He says with confusion.</p><p>Noodle walks into the room with the pizza boxes and some paper tissues. She places a box into 2D's lap.</p><p>"Alright, enjoy the movie you two, I'm going to bed." Russel says as he walks out of the room.</p><p>Noodle groans. "We're not going to watch this all evening right!?"</p><p>2D doesn't bother to respond to Noodle's question. "Doesn't Muds need to eat some pizza?"</p><p>"I knocked on his bedroom door and didn't get a responds from him." Noodle opens the box and grabs a slice of pizza. "I don't want to just walk in on him." <em>Who knows what that old man could be doing. </em>Noodle takes a big bite of pizza.</p><p>"Oh..." 2D stares at his own pizza box and the one on the table that's meant to be for Murdoc. "Maybe I should just bring him the box eh?"</p><p>Noodle goes in for another big bite. "Do whatever you want Tootchie." She muffles with a mouth full of pizza. "But if you're leaving, I'm turning this weird zombie movie off!"</p><p>2D stands up from the couch, grabs the two pizza boxes and starts walking upstairs to the bassist's room.</p><p>"Muds! I 'ave a pizza for you!"</p><p>
  <em>No responds. He must've fallen asleep... waiting for me?</em>
</p><p>2D slowly opens the door and peeks in. The scent of stale booze and cigarettes slaps him in the face, but he doesn't seem to mind it. He can hear the bassist breath in and out deeply.</p><p>
  <em>In and out. In and out.</em>
</p><p>He puts the pizzas on the floor in the dark and dirty room. His own room isn't the cleanest, but this, this is way worse.</p><p>There he is. The bassist is asleep, half on, half off the bed, shoes still on, on top of his blankets.</p><p>2D slowly let's himself sit beside him. "Muds wake up! I ave pizza for you." He puts his face close to Murdoc's and repeats himself, hoping he would hear him now.</p><p>Murdoc wakes up distressed, with 2D's face extremely close to his own. His eyes widen in confusion and before he realizes, he pushes 2D off the bed.<br/>
"Argh... why'd you do that Muds..?" 2D groans while rubbing his head. <em>That didn't seem necessary, or was he mad that he didn't come by earlier?</em></p><p>"Damnit Stu...you dullard, you scared me!" He quicky sits up straight, causing the room to start spinning. Murdoc grabs his head and curses.</p><p>2D feels bad and tries to stand up. "I...I'm sorry Muds... just trying to wake you. You were in deep sleep." 2D looks sad at the man sitting on the bed.</p><p>Murdoc groans and looks irritated at the singer. <em>He came to see you. </em>A little voice in his head starts to calm him down.</p><p>2D awkwardly stands in front of the bed and sways his long arms around.</p><p>"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to sit down next to me." Murdoc meant it as a question, but it sounded much angrier than he wanted.</p><p>"Uh..yea I guess." 2D bends down so that he can retrieve the pizza boxes off the floor.</p><p>Murdoc can't help but stare at the singers body, <em>or his arse actually.</em></p><p>2D sits down with the pizza boxes in his lap. "The one with cheese is for me.." he looks inside the boxes and gives the one with meat to Murdoc.</p><p>"Muds.. I'm sorry that I kept you waiting." He stares at the box in his lap. "I wanted to go to your room to hang out with you, I like hanging out with you..., but the painkillers made me all tired, and I fell asleep. I'm sorry if I kept you waiting."</p><p>Murdoc looks surprised. He felt  happiness creep over him, someone willingly wanted to hang out with him, for once. Stuart actually wanted to spend time with him. 2D made his anger and irritation fade and did something to him that made him uneasy, but in a good and light hearted way. <em>Weird. </em>A smile forms on his face and he feels his cheeks heating up. "It's okay Stu, really, you're here now. We can hang out now." He points at 2D's box. "Go eat face-ache."</p><p>The insult doesn't do much to the singer, he's used to it by now, it lost it's effect a long time ago. It's like a nickname to 2D, not a particularly nice one, but a nickname none the less.</p><p>2D feels the nerves wearing off and bites into the pizza. He starts talking about Noodle's game and the two headed zombies from the movie he watched, but didn't finish. He then starts a weird rant about seashells, whilst he keeps stuffing his mouth with pizza.</p><p>Murdoc doesn't really react too much to what the singer is saying, apart from a few nods and smiles here and there, while he washes the pizza down with booze, that he found on the floor next to his bed. It doesn't seem to bother 2D, as he keeps talking. He can feel that the food is doing him good and that his head starts to stop spinning.</p><p>When they both have finished eating their pizza's, 2D places the empty boxes on the floor. Murdoc gives the boxes a light kick and takes his shoes off. He grunts and puts his legs on the bed.</p><p>2D looks at the man and decides to mimic him. He also takes off his shoes and puts his long, skinny legs on Murdoc's bed.</p><p>They slowly let themselves sink into the bed, facing the ceiling that's covered in spiderwebs. They both stare at the ceiling in silence, it was kinda pleasant to be around each other without saying anything.</p><p>2D feels an odd compulsion to run his big hands through the bassist's black hair, just to see what it would feel like, even though it was probably greasy and unwashed. The singer didn't care about that at all and carefully turned to his side, so that it would be easier for him to reach Murdoc's hair. He carefully put his hand on the older man's head to see what his reaction was. He didn't want to freak him out, <em>ruin it.</em></p><p>Murdoc looks to his side when he feels the singers soft, <em>oh so soft, </em>touch on his head. He wants to yell, get angry and push 2D off the bed again, but all he can do is let his body melt into the touch.</p><p>2D smiles softly when Murdoc stays silent and doesn't seem to mind what he's doing.</p><p>2D runs his finger from his bangs to the back of his head. He softly let's his nails comb through the hair. He watches Murdoc's eyes go from fully open and surprised, <em>nervous maybe, </em>to half-lidded. The singer can feel the older man's head tilting into his hands, as he keeps working through his hair.</p><p>He slowly starts scratching the bassist's scalp to see what his reaction would be, and is overjoyed when he hears a moan escape from the older man's lips.</p><p>2D's playful and teasing nature begins to show and he's kinda curious as to how far he can go in this moment. The singer starts being more rough, pulling a little on the older man's hair and scratching his scalp a bit harder.</p><p>Murdoc just lays there surrendering himself completely to the singers touch, feeling pleasantly surprised. <em>He trusts Stuart. </em>He let's soft whimpers come off his lips and sneaks his arm around the singer waist. "Shit Stu.. that feels really good..."</p><p>2D starts to pull harder and gets rewarded by the bassist with an even louder moan. He can feel his cheeks heating up and dirty thoughts enter his mind.</p><p>Murdoc pulls 2D closer by his waist until their foreheads are touching. He can feel his heart beating in his throat and his eyes are focused on the singer's chapped lips, he has never wanted to kiss someone this bad. He can feel himself starting to lean in, but stops himself from going in completely. He tilts his head back not sure whether or not he should just go for it.</p><p>2D notices, grins and grabs Murdoc by his neck, pulling him closer, surprising even himself. He then softly places his lips on Murdoc's.</p><p>Murdoc lets out a deep groan and kisses him back harder. He let's his fingers tangle in the singer's hair, pulling him in even closer.</p><p>The older man's lips are rough and chapped, but tender at the same time. 2D let's his toung gently run across his bottom lip, begging for an entrance.</p><p>Murdoc can't help but to give in, heat spreading to his cheeks and chest, head starting to get foggy. The singer is so gentle, so soft and yet surprisingly dominant. He let's his hands slide underneath the singer his sweater. He loves all the little noices Stuart makes when he touches him under his shirt.</p><p>2D keeps his eyes half open, sneaking a guilty peek at him, just to make sure this isn't a product of his imagination. <em>This is really happening. </em>He can feel his hands touching him under his shirt, lips smashing into his, washing over him like a wave of warmth. He feels Murdoc's nails run over his backs, making his toes curl up.</p><p>Murdoc places kisses all over the singer's neck, licking, biting and sucking, making sure to leave marks. On <em>his </em>singer.</p><p>2D moans and lets his head roll back, he shuts his eyes and let's the feeling of warmth take over. </p><p>He pulls Murdoc back up again, missing his rough lips on his own softer ones. Murdoc let's him. The kissing has gotten more passionate, aggressive and needy. And then it stops.</p><p>Murdoc looks over at 2D who now is just smiling at him with red cheeks. The bassist looks confused and flustered. "Why did you stop?" He slurs his words and grabs onto the singers sweater.</p><p>2D grabs Murdoc's face and stares into his eyes. "I want you, I want all of you. I don't just want one steamy night and then never talk about it again. I don't want you to forget about it because you're too drunk to remember." He places a soft kiss on his lips. "I really like you Murdoc... but not just for shagging..."</p><p>Murdoc wants to grab the singer closer and never let go of him again. Before this he could just convince himself that 2D is a horrible kisser, but now, he can't. It felt amazing, gentle, loving, <em>too short. </em>His mind is foggy from how much he drank before, he struggles to understand what the singer is telling him. His words sound nice, but then why would he stop. "I like you too Stu...but I don't know what you're talking about" Is all he can force himself to say.</p><p>2D smiles at him and pulls his head onto his chest. "Let's continue this some other time, yea? When you've had less to drink and more time to think about your feelings."</p><p>"Mmhm, continue this..." <em>Sounds good. </em>Murdoc let's his head rest on the singer's chest and wraps his arm around him.</p><p>2D let's his legs intertwine with Murdoc's and places a soft kiss on his head, before closing his eyes.</p><p>They lay peacefully together before drifting off in a comfortable deep sleep.<br/>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. chapter three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(Tw: slight sexual assault/ rape mention)</p><p>Smut ahead!! (This is my first smut ever so bare with me) If you feel uncomfortable reading this, please stop! Take care of yourself!</p><p>Anyways enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Murdoc very carefully levered up an eyelid and shut it again fast. A merciless sunbeam hitting his face and the hangover toying with him, <em>he feels like shit. </em>He lets out a deep groan and tries to roll over, away from the light, this is when he notices the tall blue haired man next to him in the bed.</p><p>He slowly opens his heavy eyelids and looks to the singer next to him. The sunlight hitting his pale face just right. Murdoc's eyes linger on 2D's chapped lips, his dark eye bags and messy blue hair. His face is slim, angular and yet very youthful. "What happened last night Dee..." He mumbles to himself whilst frowning. He grabs a bottle of water from the messy side table next to his bed and takes a few big gulps trying to still his thirst. His eyes spot a pair of jeans on the floor, <em>2D's. </em>Maybe he took them off to be more comfortable or maybe...</p><p>"Whatever it is that happened, I feel bloody gross, and not in a good way." Murdoc says to himself. The bassist drags himself to the shower and decides that he should give himself a good cleaning, <em>for once.</em></p><p>As he starts to undress, little snippets from last night come back to him. He notices some marks on his body that weren't there before, <em>2D made them.</em> He smirks at the bruises on his neck, tracing them with his finger. A bite mark catching his attention, it can't be put there by anyone else but the singer. Murdoc turns the shower on and waits for the water to heat up. <em>We didn't shag... he stopped before we could. </em>He steps under the hot shower.</p><p>The response was immediate, the metallic head that hung loosely above his head spread water unto his naked body, the sudden shock making him tense his muscles.</p><p>Murdoc had never enjoyed showering very much, but ever since the shameful shower incident that happened to him in prison, he hates it. Cleaning his body under the shower water is an extremely dreadful process, that he likes to avoid. Sometimes the disturbing situation keeps replaying in his head, until he finally breaks the thoughts, with alcohol, drugs or sleep.</p><p>The water slowly warmed his body, soothing the ache that clawed at his limbs. His long fingers met his thick black hair, dancing into the mess it was, ridding it of the knots time had given. <em>Why did he stop? </em><br/>
His throat starts to feel thick and painful and his chest starts to ache. <em>Did he not like him? Not find him attractive enough?</em></p><p>Murdoc dragged the soap over his body, the action soothing his rough and dirty skin. It reminded him of when he had been his. The soap caressing his bruised neck like the singers passionate kisses.</p><p>Murdoc steps into his bedroom when he's done showering and getting dressed in some underwear and a big t-shirt, not having been able to find pants. He glances over to the bed and notices two black eyes staring at him. "Hey, good morning Stu..." He smiles awkwardly not knowing what to make out of everything that happened last night.</p><p>"Ey Muds..." 2D scratches the back of his head, not knowing what to say. An uncomfortable silence falls as the two stare at each other for what seems like hours.</p><p>"Do you remember what happened yesterday?" 2D finally breaks the uneasy silence.</p><p>"Yes, ofcourse I do face-ache." Murdoc cringes at his own harsh tone. "Uh... I think I do." He let's his tone soften. The older man walks over to the bed and fills the space next to the singer.</p><p>2D nods at the bassist, wondering what it is that he remembers.</p><p>"Stu... did we shag?" Murdoc feels embarrassed having to check this with 2D. </p><p>"No Muds, we didn't..." 2D feels his chest ache, <em>so he didn't really remember.</em></p><p>"Just checking." Murdoc stares at the wall in front of him, wanting to ask more. "Why did you stop Stu?"</p><p>2D looks up, surprised by this question. <em>He remembers? He just didn't trust his own memories? </em>"Muds I didn't wanna stop, trust me... but you were so drunk... I just couldn't continue."</p><p>Murdoc let's his eyes fall on the singers face, he remembers now. "Oh...thank you." His voice is thick and quiet and his fingers start to fidget with the sheets.</p><p>2D smiles softly and looks into Murdoc's eyes. It's hard to understand the man, but he certainly wants to try. "Don't ave to thank me, just the right thing to do..."</p><p>"Yea I guess..." Murdoc let's his body move closer to 2D's, he wants to hold him, he wants to kiss him, silence his own mind and- His thoughts get interrupted by 2D's big hands pulling him in closer. He let's out a surprised gasp.</p><p>2D lets his grasp on the bassist's waist soften. "Is this okay Muds?"</p><p>Murdoc nods, but he can feel his head spinning and heart racing. <em>Am I too sober for this? Can't even be touched without having had something to drink. Pathetic. </em>He tries to calm himself down, <em>this is Stuart, </em>not some random guy with bad intentions. It seems to work, for now.</p><p>The singer lets his touch around the older man's waist tighten. His warm breath, stroking his cheek and ear. A thrilling shiver coursed over Murdoc's body. Then his lips- those chapped but soft lips- grazed his jaw and the soft spot behind his ear. Murdoc naturally feels himself moving in closer to the singers lanky body, nose touching 2D's cheek. His shivers locked his muscles tight. The singer starts placing soft kisses on his neck, trailing up to his cheek. Murdoc groans wanting 2D to get to his lips faster.</p><p>2D lets his body crash into the bed pulling Murdoc down with him. His lips roughly crashing into the older man's slightly parted and chapped lips. His toung entering Murdoc's mouth urgently, making the man moan. His heart starts beating faster and faster, warmth spreading across his face. "This okay Muds?" He asks, breaking away from the older man, out of breath.</p><p>"Yea, yea, shut up Stu." Murdoc answers with a breathy and low pitched voice. All Murdoc feels is want, a deep desire for the singer and he quickly connects their lips again.</p><p>2D lets his forehead lean on Murdoc's, whilst trying to catch his breath. He wants to go further, he wants to touch Murdoc <em>everywhere,</em> claiming his body, marking it, <em>he feels so comfortable with him, </em>but he needs to make sure that Murdoc wants it too.</p><p>Murdoc doesn't want the kissing to stop, like it did the night before. 2D is killing the loneliness that he had felt for so long. Murdoc has kissed many people, but this is the first time he truly feels connected, <em>loved.</em> He tugs at the singers shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it to the side. He wraps his hand around his neck and starts placing sloppy kisses down his chest, sucking and bruising the hot skin.</p><p>Stuart closes his eyes and whimpers at the touch. He feels a warmth spreading to his stomach and his groin. Murdoc's touch guides 2D on top of him. 

Before he knows it he's sitting on top of the bassist, who is leaning with his back against the headboard. He leans down a bit kissing the older man even harder than before, letting his hands tug at his slightly wet hair.</p><p>Murdoc can feel his heart moving between two elements: one, excitement; the other, fear. He grabs the singer's waist and starts moving him around on his hard cock.</p><p>2D's head falls back, loudly moaning, the friction created by his movements on Murdoc's groin, are driving him crazy. "Mmhh so good..."</p><p>Murdoc feels his own excitement and smiles at the singer's face. He sounds amazing like this, <em>needy</em>.</p><p><em>This is Stuart and not some random guy with bad intentions. </em>He reminds himself again.</p><p>His shaky hand slides under the elastic waistband of 2D's boxers. "Fuck Stu, I need you..." Murdoc pulls on the boxers exposing 2D's erection. Murdoc wasted no time licking a wet and greedy line down his cock, making 2D shudder and let out a breathy moan. Murdoc repeats the action again before slipping his mouth over his top and sucking on it. Suddenly 2D's hands are clinging to his hair and Murdoc responds by takes him in to the back of his mouth and humming. </p><p>"F-fuck Muds." He cries out, hands still wrapped in the bassist's black hair.</p><p>2D jerks his hips up into Murdoc's mouth as a moan emanated from his lungs. "This okay?"</p><p>Murdoc muffles and takes him in even deeper as a response. He keeps bobbing his head and moves his hand on his hips, nails digging in, trying to get a stronger hold on them.</p><p>"S-so close.." 2D moans in absolute pleasure. "Fuuuck"</p><p>2D's hot cum squirts into the back of Murdoc's throat. His body shaking, eyes fully closed and lips parted.</p><p>Murdoc wants to get a good look of his singer. He looks beautiful and sweaty. <em>He did that. </em>He feels proud of himself for making 2D look like this, <em>this much of a beautiful mess.</em></p><p>2D lets his tired body lean into Murdoc's, running his hand through the black hair, trying to catch his breath.</p><p>Murdoc smirks at the singer. "Was that okay?" He says mockingly.</p><p>2D nods and let's his hands move to Murdoc's boxers to return the favour, but Murdoc pushes his hands away.</p><p>"It's okay..." <em>T</em><em>oo sober. </em>He clears his throat as he sees disappointed in 2D's eyes. "I know you can't wait, but you'll get to do that another time." He smirks trying to make 2D feel better.</p><p>2D smiles and nods, before letting himself fall on the bed next to Murdoc. <em>That was amazing. </em>He feels a bit weird not being able to help the older man get rid of his erection. This feeling, however, slowly fades as he feels himself being pulled in closer by him.</p><p>"You sounded so good Stu, looked even better." Murdoc mumbles into his blue hair.</p><p>2D feels himself relax into the touch as he turns his body around. He wants to face Murdoc. He wraps his arms around the bassist and places some lazy kisses on his neck. <em>Mine.</em></p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. chapter four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(( Tw: throwing up, slight self harm mention, rape mention - Please stop reading if you feel uncomfortable, take care of yourself! ))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2D has just been staring at Murdoc, who had fallen asleep next to him, for what feels like hours. Eventually he sat up and smoked a few cigarettes, hands still running through the bassist's hair.</p><p><em>Maybe I can make some breakfast for Murdoc and me. </em>2D notices the grumbling sound his stomach makes. He grabs his pants and sweater from the dirty floor and puts them on, trying not to make any noice that could wake Murdoc up.</p><p>When he walks into the kitchen, he's greeted by Noodle and Russel who are chatting together.</p><p>"Hey Tootchie!" Noodle looks up at 2D. "I was a bit worried about you, you've been downstairs early the past couple of weeks, watching those stupid movies you like." She frowns at him.</p><p>"Er yea..." 2D scratches his head. <em>Murdoc probably doesn't want me to tell Noodle about what happened. </em>"I was pretty tired Noods."</p><p>Russel doesn't seem to be paying attention to the conversation and starts scrolling on his phone.</p><p>2D clumsily walks into the table where his two bandmembers are sitting.</p><p>"Eey 2D... watch where you're going!" Russel looks up from his phone. He notices the bruises and bites on the singer's neck and frowns angrily at him. <em>If that satanist hurt him...</em></p><p>"Ooi... sorry Russ." 2D smiles awkwardly and keeps walking towards the kitchen where he starts looking through the items in the fridge. He ends up making some toast with butter and tea for both himself and for the bassist. He tries to figure out how to carry the plates and cups upstairs and then remembers the tray on the kitchen table.</p><p>"Making food for two, Stu?" Russel frowns at the singer who tries to fit the plates and cups on the tray.</p><p>"Uh...yea, for Muds and me..." He tries really hard to make it all fit but he isn't great at puzzles and starts to get a bit annoyed.</p><p>Russel feels empathy washing over him and helps the singer with this simple task that seems impossible for him. "There ya go Stu, be careful on the stairs."</p><p>"Yea yea...thank you Russ." He picks up the tray and starts walking upstairs.</p><p>Russel looks over to Noodle with a puzzled look on his face. Noodle is on her phone whilst taking small sips from her hot tea. "Did you see all those bruises Noods? Poor guy..."</p><p>Noodle looks up from her phone. "Yea..., but what makes you think they fought? He didn't seem to be in pain... and I know that he's too nice to Murdoc sometimes, but he wouldn't be making him food if they just fought..." She looks back at her phone and chuckles at something funny that caught her eye.</p><p>Russel frowns, the kid's right. 2D forgives easily, but that would be strange, even for him. Russel shakes his head and picks his phone up again. <em>I don't want to know how he got those bruises then.</em></p><p>2D pushes the door to Murdoc's room open with his back whilst holding the tray in his hands.</p><p>Murdoc is sitting up in the bed, a cigarette in one of his hands and a can of rum in the other. He smirks at the blue haired man holding a tray. "Ey Stu...whatcha got." He says pointing at the tray. </p><p>"I made some late breakfast for us Muds." He says with a smile. 2D places the tray carefully on the bed, looking proud when nothing falls off. "Toast and tea!"</p><p>Murdoc places his can on the side table and grabs a plate. "Thanks Stu..." Thanking the singer seemed to become less of an unusual thing for the satanist.</p><p>2D smiles and grabs his own plate. He wants to talk about what happened before, but doesn't know how to do it. <em>Why do I feel like a high school boy who has a big crush on someone and feels all nervous around them...</em></p><p>When they finish eating and drinking, they place the dishes on the tray. Murdoc places the tray on the floor and glances over to the singer. He wonders what's on his mind, <em>he is so hard to read. </em>He could be thinking about something very important or about nothing at all.</p><p>"Stu...err...how are you feeling?" <em>Let's start with small talk.</em></p><p>2D looks at the man next to him and smiles. <em>He cares.</em> "I'm good, will grab my meds from my bathroom in a bit...don't want a headache." He leans in closer to Murdoc. "How are you Muds?"</p><p>Murdoc puts his arm around the singer and smiles softly. "I'm good Stu... I had fun with you." He places a kiss on the singer's cheek. "Wanna do something together today?"</p><p>2D can't help the redness that flushes over his cheeks when he feels butterflies in his stomach. <em>A date? </em>"Yea yea...sounds good!" A big smile spreads across his face. He just wants to spend time with Murdoc and doesn't really care about what they're going to do.</p><p>They sit in bed and talk for a while, smoking and making each other laugh. 2D playfully touches Murdoc every so often, making Murdoc's cheeks blush.</p><p>2D brings the tray and the dirty dishes to the kitchen. Nobody's downstairs. He walks to his own bedroom to grab his painkillers and freshen himself up a bit.</p><p>As soon as he steps into his bedroom, the room starts spinning. A familiar throbbing headache was developing beneath his temples. He closes his eyes, fighting off nausea, dragging himself to his bathroom. He knew what was going to happen too well already and hung his body over the toilet bowl, his stomach contracting violently and forcing everything up and out. He winced, brows furrowed tight with pain.</p><p>He closes his painful eyes, with a white face and dripping bile, sweat, and tears. The pungent stench invaded his nostrils and he heaved even though there was nothing left to go.</p><p>His tall body curled up against the toilet bowl on the cold floor for what seems like hours.</p><p>His stomach calms down and he reaches for the toilet paper, wiping his face with it. He flushes the toilet and carefully forces himself to stand up again. 2D grabs a handful of painkillers and chugs them down with water. The reflection of himself in the mirror looks awful and slightly blurry. The singer decides to brush his teeth and tongue ridding it of the disgusting taste the vomit had left.</p><p>He grabs the cup of water from his sink and walks over to his bed. The painkillers started to make him feel drowsy and he quickly drifts off, with his head under his pillow protecting his sensitive eyes from the light in his room.</p><p>Murdoc sits in his bedroom with his notebook in front of him. He decided to give writing another go, now that he feels better. There are multiple lines on the page, his handwriting is messy, but not unreadable. He corrects some of the lines to make then sound nicer, with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.</p><p>When he's done writing, he closes the notebook and checks the time. 2D had been gone for a while and the bassist starts to get worried about him.</p><p>Murdoc walks over to the singers room and walks in when he doesn't respond to Murdoc yelling his name.<br/>
The sour smell of vomit hits him in his face and he already knows what happened. He sees a lump in the bed and hears 2D's snoring. Murdoc closes the door behind him, walking away from the room. Murdoc walks into the bedroom about ten minutes later, holding a cup of tea for the singer.</p><p>It was already late in the afternoon and Murdoc decides to gently wake the singer up. He places the tea on the nightstand and shakes the singer's body softly.</p><p>2D removes his head from underneath the pillow. The headache seems to have faded and he's able to sit up.</p><p>"Made you some tea Stu." Murdoc sits down on the bed and lights another cigarette. He feels uncomfortable talking about the singer's migraines, since he is the reason he has them.</p><p>Murdoc probably already knows what happened, so 2D doesn't bother to explain. "Thanks Muds!" He grabs the tea and let's out a yawn.</p><p>"Want to get some fresh air Stu?" He asks.</p><p>"Yea, yea...that'd be good." 2D takes a sip of the peppermint tea.</p><p>Murdoc stands up from the bed. "Alright, see you downstairs in a bit?"</p><p>2D nods and before he knows it, Murdoc has left him by himself in his room.</p><p>The singer walks downstairs after freshening up, spotting Murdoc in the backyard, smoking.</p><p>"Ready to go Stu?" He flicks his cigarette to side.</p><p>"Yup Muds." 2D is happy that even though they're just going for a walk, they're still doing something together. They both start walking, 2D a lot faster than Murdoc.</p><p><em>Bloody long legged giraffe. </em>Murdoc doesn't want to let 2D know that he's struggling to keep up.</p><p>2D looks behind him, at Murdoc and giggles. He stops for a bit and grabs Murdoc's hand when he's close enough to him. He starts laughing louder when he sees the bassist's face turning red.</p><p>"Russ is making pasta tonight... I missed his cooking when he was gone."</p><p>"Ey! I made you food!" Murdoc sounds genuinely offended.</p><p>"Yea...but like actual dinner, Muds."</p><p>"Russel doesn't like me eh..." It doesn't sound like a question, more like a statement.</p><p>"I'm sure he likes you...deep, deep down in his heart..."</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head and lights a cigarette offering one to the singer.</p><p>2D takes a drag and and gives Murdoc's hand a light squeeze. "I'm sure he would, if you act the same way around his as you do around me."</p><p>Murdoc chuckles. "Guess I should just suck his cock then, ey?" He gives 2D a playful wink.</p><p>"Ey!" The singer gives him a playful punch on the shoulder, face turning red. "That's not what I said..."</p><p>"Jealous Stu?" A smile tugs at the sides of mouth.</p><p>"Yea..., guess it's my turn to break someone's nose then..." 2D laughs and throws the burned out cigarette on the floor. "Dunno whose though..Russ' or yours..."</p><p>"Please pick Russel's, my nose has been through bloody enough and is already fucked the way it is." Murdoc places his hand on the singer's waist, pulling him closer.</p><p>"Alrighty...Russel's nose it is." 2D chuckles and lets himself lean into the touch.</p><p>They walk into a more crowded street, there are small stores on each side and cars passing by.</p><p>"Wanna go in there?" Murdoc asks, pointing at an old pub.</p><p>"Yea sure..."</p><p>2D picks a spot to sit all the way in the back, close to a window. Murdoc gets some drinks and sits down across from the singer.</p><p>The singer looks through the fog of cigarette smoke coming from the bassist. The smoke twists in an artistic way, forming curls in the gloom, illuminated only by the age-speckled bar lights. They crack a few jokes, holding each others hand over the sticky table. They sit like this and drink together for a little while.</p><p>2D grabs a drink and chugs it down in one go. It was starting to get dark outside. "I think it's gonna rain Muds, maybe we shouldn't stay too long." He says slurring his words.</p><p>"Ah...really?" Murdoc downs a few shots whilst staring out of the window. "Good plan Stu."</p><p>Murdoc gets up and walks to the bar. He comes back with a bottle in his hand. "For the way home." He glides the bottle in the inner pocket of his coat.</p><p>They walk outside and step onto the cobbled street, the houses swayed like they were part of a fun house mirror illusion. Thunder cried out from the blackened sky, the clouds invisible above. Murdoc grabs the singer's hand, but more for stability than anything else.</p><p>They walk a couple of blocks, before the first rain drops fall from the inky sky. Murdoc holds the singer tighter than he did before. He looks at the wind dancing with 2D's wet blue hair, making shivers go down his spine. <em>He looks beautiful, with his tall body and black eyes, underneath the dark sky above him. </em>With every step they take, the rain becomes heavier.</p><p>"Muds..., I ave always wanted to kiss in the rain." 2D says giggly, slurring his words whilst looking up at the sky.</p><p>Murdoc starts laughing and rolls his eyes at him. "Really? Always wanted to?" <em>Bloody idiot...cute though. </em>In the rain the singer's blue hair becomes one with his pale face, his expression is serious. <em>I wonder if he knows how crazy he drives me, how it makes want to feel every inch of his skin.</em></p><p>2D feels embarrassed and looks down at a puddle of rain. "Whatever...we don't ave to...forget about it."</p><p>Murdoc feels a pain in his chest, seeing the disappointment on the singer's face. "Oh shut up you bloody idiot..." He moves closer to 2D and kisses him tasting the alcohol on his toung and the cold droplets on his lips as the rain pours in their faces.</p><p>2D wanted to kiss him forever but his stupid, <em>oh so s</em><em>tupid lungs</em> had to find air, and he was forced to separate from him with the feeling of gravity being torn out of his core.</p><p>When 2D pulled back it felt like every <em>'kissing in the rain'</em> fantasy the singer had ever had, every moment he had wished could exist between the two of them. There were no awkward pauses, no second thoughts and the wetness soaking through their jeans didn't matter anymore. He grabs the bassist and pulls him into a <em>very </em>tight hug, squeezing the air from Murdoc's lungs. They both start laughing like silly drunken idiots in love, still holding on to each other.</p><p>"I guess kissing in the rain isn't all that bad." Murdoc chuckles. "I am bloody freezing though."</p><p>2D grabs his hand and pulls the bassist with him. "Let's go home and warm up together." He smiles and places a kiss on Murdoc's cold hand.</p><p>When they get home they clumsily climb out off their freezing and wet clothing, that's completely stuck to their bodies.</p><p>2D shivers when he finally got out of the clothing, standing naked in his chilly bedroom. He pulls the older man with him into his bathroom. Turning the shower on and pushing him in with the singer. His hands try to touch every part of the bassist's body. His lips crashing into Murdoc's and their bodies becoming one. The water running down their faces and the heat making his head fuzzy.</p><p>It's all going so fast for Murdoc. He starts shaking, trying not to lose control, trying to think, remain focused on the singer.</p><p>
  <em>It's just Stuart. It's just Stuart. IT'S JUST STUART.</em>
</p><p>The blood pounds in his ears. His heart thudding in his chest. He can feel 2D's hands all over his body.</p><p>
  <em>It's just Stuart. Stuart's hands.</em>
</p><p>His hands shaking and his feet tingling. The water feels like rhinestones collapsing on his naked body.</p><p>
  <em>It's just Stuart.</em>
</p><p>Murdoc's vision disfigured, as if he's looking through a fish-eye lens.<br/>
<em>He has to get away</em>. He takes a step backwards and looks at 2D with a terrified look on his face. He wants to say something, but can't. He feels claustrophobic and wants to create even more distance between them.</p><p>2D notices that there's something wrong and stops. "Are you okay Muds?" He looks concerned. <em>Shit did I do something wrong. It was going so well. </em>He takes a step towards Murdoc when he doesn't get a reaction from him. He reaches his hand out to touch him, but gets pushed against the wall before he can. He groans loudy, his head hurts from hitting the bathroom wall. "Aah shit..."</p><p>He quickly forgets about his own pain when he sees Murdoc's pale face.</p><p>Murdoc lets himself slide onto the floor in a sitting position, body shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming over his cheeks.</p><p>"Shit, shit, shit... I'm so sorry Muds... are you okay..." 2D sits down next to him, folding his body up on the bathroom tiles, long legs touching his chin. He doesn't know what to do, what to say or what's wrong. <em>I'm useless. </em>The shower is still turned on, warm water hitting their bodies. 2D decides to keep the shower running, not wanting Murdoc to get sick from sitting on the cold bathroom floor.</p><p>Murdoc starts to breath heavily and feels like he's going to die. His heart beating so fast that he's scared it'll just stop.</p><p>"Muds...it's me, 2D. It-it's okay, I'm here...not gonna hurt you I swear." 2D tries to make eye contact with the shaking man on the bathroom floor. "You-you're okay... it's gonna be okay Muds, I'm here."</p><p>Murdoc slowly lifts his head up to look at the singer. His face is completely white and his eyes bloodshot red. Tears still streaming over his cheeks. He moves his aching body closer to 2D and he hides his face into his chest.</p><p>2D pulls him closer and wraps his body around him, like he's protecting him from <em>something. </em>He keeps rubbing circles on Murdoc's back and lets him cry. He has never seen him like this and feels so confused.</p><p>They sit like that on the bathroom floor, for a while. Murdoc's crying starting to calm down, body shaking less and less.</p><p>"Are you okay Muds? Did I do something wrong?"</p><p>"N-no, no..., not you." Murdoc shakes his head and tries to speak.</p><p>"What happened Muds...lemme help you."</p><p>Murdoc looks up at the singer again. It was like he was stripped of all securities and had been left bare with nothing but a primal fear and hopelessness. He shakes his head at the singer.</p><p>"It's okay Muds, I swear... I won't judge you, I'm just scared. I want you to be okay..."</p><p>Murdoc wants to tell him, but it feels like his brain just shut down. "I-I don't like showering..." He stammers. "It-it reminds me of-of prison..." He starts crying again and hides his head into the singers chest once more.</p><p>2D holds him close and keeps reaffirming that it's all okay and that it's just him. He feels worried and just wants to make his bassist feel better.</p><p>Murdoc tries to speak again when he feels his mind calm down a little. "I-I showered in prison...and... I didn't want to be touched Stu... I didn't..." His voice sounds muffled in the singers chest. "They touched me...they-they...raped me Stu." He sounds defeated.</p><p>2D clenches his fist as he feels anger bubble up in his chest, an anger that he has never felt before. He wants to yell, smash something but more than that, he wants to help Murdoc. <br/>
"Shit... I'm so sorry Muds...shit." He hugs him closer. "I am so sorry...that that happened to you."</p><p>2D knew about the way Murdoc lost his virginity when he was only 9 years old. How he couldn't consent to what was happening to him in that moment. How he was just a kid. He knows about Murdoc's history of self harm and using sex as a coping mechanism. How it never should've happened.</p><p><em>And then in prison, again. </em>2D feels furious, but knows that he can't do anything about it, so he just holds Murdoc close and tries to comfort him.</p><p>Murdoc starts to calm down again and all of a sudden feels very self conscious and embarrassed. "I'm sorry Stu,.. I lost my focus..." He sounds broken and quiet.</p><p>"There are days my head just doesn't work. I- I... try so hard to focus and it's like trying to run through water. I wanted to focus on you, but I lost it. My brain fogs up and then all of a sudden a moment of clarity..., moments when I can see every detail and feel every feeling... like I'm back on the floor of the cold prison bathroom... I'm sorry..."</p><p>2D shakes his head and feels the rage filling every part of his body. "No, Muds, don't apologize...it's okay."</p><p>Murdoc nods at the singer, bottom lip shaking and his face all puffy from crying.</p><p>"Muds, we're gonna stand up...okay?" 2D says before helping the older man up from the floor and turning the shower off. He grabs a towel and wraps it around Murdoc's naked body. "There ya go..." 2D steps into the bedroom and grabs some of his own clean clothing for the bassist, some boxers, a pair of sweatpants and a sweater.  He helps Murdoc into the clean clothing and starts to get dressed himself, in a similar outfit.</p><p>He guides Murdoc to his bed and holds him close against his body. They lay down together and 2D places soft kisses on Murdoc's face, still comforting him.</p><p>"Thank you Stu...for helping me." Murdoc says with a quiet and broken voice. He hides his face under his hair, looking down at his hands.</p><p>"No need to thank me Muds...really. I care about you a lot and hate seeing you like this." His tone is serious and Murdoc believes him.</p><p>"Muds...err...can I ask you something?" 2D scratches his head and has an uncomfortable look on his face.</p><p>Murdoc nods at him, feeling a bit scared of what the question could be.</p><p>"Is that why...you push me away when I touch you sometimes...why you didn't want me to...uh..." He feels nervous, not wanting to freak Murdoc out again.</p><p>Murdoc nods at the singer. "Yea..." He fumbles with the drawstring from the sweatpants that 2D gave him. "I want you to bloody touch me Stu...really, I trust you...but I can't help but freak out." He doesn't make eye contact with 2D, he feels small and embarrassed. "You can't even touch me without making me freak out if I'm not shitfaced...pathetic eh..." He says as an painful smile forms on his lips.</p><p>2D grabs Murdoc's hands and gives them a squeeze. "No, not pathetic...you're strong Muds. We can take it slow, don't have to rush it at all, I don't care."</p><p>Murdoc doesn't know how to feel about what the singer said. <em>Why can't I just be drunk when we shag.</em></p><p>"I do want you to be somewhat sober when we shag Muds...I don't want you to be gone, forget about it, not be able to hold yourself up...I want you to really want it." It's like 2D read the bassist's mind.</p><p>"I do want it Stu..." The feeling of hopelessness washes over him.</p><p>2D nods slowly and gives his hands another squeeze.  "I know...but I don't want it then. You pushing me away hurts my feelings Muds..." <em>And my head. </em>"I think we just need to take it slow."</p><p><em>Why is 2D so bloody good to him. Why can't he just fuck him and get it over with. </em>He doesn't admit it, but he's glad that 2D wants to take it slow, he has never done that with someone. Always got really drunk, high, or both, and then just rushed through the sex. Often times not even being able to remember about it the next day.</p><p>2D hands him a cigarette and they smoke in silence, the singer doesn't break the physical contact for even a second. His chest hurts and feels heavy, he feels so much sadness, empathy, <em>and love</em> for the man next to him.</p><p>"Muds, is it okay if I warm up some pasta for us?" <em>Warm food will make him feel better.</em></p><p>Murdoc opens his puffy and heavy eyelids to look at the singer. "Yea sure."</p><p>2D leans in and kisses him softly on his cheek. "I'll be right back." He gets up and stumbles out off the room, leaving Murdoc all alone with his thoughts. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a bit of a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoy :))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Murdoc walks over to the bathroom to pee, feeling shaky. He flushes and drinks some water from the tab, before walking back to the bed.</p><p> </p><p>There he is, sitting on the singer's bed, by himself. Thoughts racing through his foggy mind. He just<em> cried </em>in front of the singer, no, it was more than just crying, probably a panic attack. <em>Is Stuart gonna think he's weak now? See him differently? </em><br/>
His hand reaches his lips and he starts picking at the skin. <em>I </em><em>just told Stuart, that I can't do the one thing, I'm supposed to be good at. </em>He digs his nails into the mattress.</p><p><em>Taking it slow... </em>He can feel his body starting to shake. <em>Stuart isn't gonna wait. What else can I offer him?</em></p><p>Murdoc gets snapped out of this thoughts, when 2D enters the room, holding the two plates of pasta.</p><p>2D had been really fast, not wanting the bassist to be alone in the room for too long. Russel and Noodle had already eaten hours earlier and nobody was downstairs.</p><p>Murdoc sits up on the bed and takes the plate from the singer, thanking him. He doesn't feel hungry, but he knows that he should eat something. The bassist wants to break the uncomfortable silence and make the situation feel more lighthearted, but he doesn't know how.</p><p>The two bandmembers sit close together on the bed, eating their pasta in silence.</p><p>Murdoc pushes the food from side to side on his plate, having absolutely no appetite. He takes a few bites, before setting the plate down on the nightstand and grabbing a cigarette.</p><p>2D notices but keeps quiet. <em>At least he ate something. </em>He finishes the food and puts his plate underneath Murdoc's. "Do you wanna stay here tonight Muds?" <em>I kinda don't want him to be alone.</em></p><p>"Can I?" Murdoc feels like he's a burden to the singer.</p><p>"Yea of course Muds!" 2D smiles and lays down on the bed.</p><p>"Oh... yea sure." He can't bring himself to make a joke about how much the singers wants him to stay. He presses the cigarette in the over full ashtray and lies down next to 2D.<br/>
"I know that...err...I kinda ruined the mood, but I enjoyed going outside with you." <em>Kissing in the rain.</em></p><p>"You didn't ruin the mood, you silly old man...come here."</p><p>2D hold his arms out and Murdoc lays down on his chest. The singer's fingers combing through his hair. He can feel himself relax and wiggles his legs in between 2D's.</p><p>"Muds...I really care about you, mkay?" The singer places a kiss on the man's black hair. "How you feel is important."</p><p>Murdoc nods and hugs the singer tighter, not wanting to say anything, because he's not sure that he can without crying. 2D keeps playing with his hair until he falls asleep.</p><p> </p><p>2D wakes up the next morning with Murdoc still on top of him. He can feel that his bladder is about to explode. "Shit...Muds wake up please..." <em>I can't piss the bed, that'd be embarrassing. "</em>Mudsss pleaseee...I really ave to!" He slowly pushes the bassist off him and jumps up.</p><p>Murdoc wakes up to 2D squirming and sprinting to the toilet. At first he's confused, but then he starts laughing. <em>Bloody idiot.</em></p><p>When 2D comes back from the bathroom, he sees Murdoc laughing at him. A happiness fills his chest. <em>I made him laugh!  </em>"Morning Muds!"</p><p>"Morning Stu... were you scared to piss the bed or something?" Murdoc grins and sits up.</p><p>"That's not funny Muds! I actually was..." 2D pouts. "You wouldn't move! You could've woken up in my piss!"</p><p>Murdoc laughs at the singer. "You woke me up from a good dream." He stretches his arms out above his head. "You're a bloody wanker, y'know that."</p><p>"You don't mean that. "2D walks back and sits down on the bed. "Were you dreaming about me?" He winks at the bassist.</p><p>Murdoc rolls his eyes."Can't remember now..."</p><p>"Oh... I hate when that happens, but that means that it could've been about me." The singer grins and plays with with a strand of hair.</p><p>Murdoc chuckles at the singer. "Yea could've..., you'd like that eh." He playfully shoves his elbow in 2D's side.</p><p>This leads to some playful arguing and laughing at each other and themselves.</p><p>The day is spend sitting around in 2D's bedroom, only leaving it for food, drinks and to go pee. Murdoc feels drained and knackered from the night before, and 2D doesn't mind lounging around. They play music and since it's 2D's room, he feels that he gets to pick the music that they play, so it's mainly the Clash. They sing along to the music, make each other laugh, drink, smoke and kiss. When the evening rolls around, 2D suggests that they go for a walk. The bedroom has become gray with smoke and he really would like some fresh air. They freshen up and stumble downstairs.</p><p>"Hey, there you are!" Noodle glances at the two men coming from behind her. "Haven't seen you two in a while."</p><p>Murdoc forces a smile, he doesn't really feel like hanging out with Noodle. He loves the kid, but she is the most curious person ever. <em>Always asking questions. </em>She's the youngest, but sometimes acts like a damn mother. She probably got her maternal instincts from Russel, he is the one who pretty much raised her into the person she is today.</p><p>"Ey Noods!" 2D smiles at her. "You miss me?"</p><p>Noodle rolls her eyes and chuckles. "Finally been able to watch shows that I enjoy." <em>I did miss him, but he</em><em> looks happy.</em> "Where you off to?"</p><p>"We're going for a walk. My room is beginning to become a bit of a mess."</p><p>"Beginning?" She shakes her head and laughs. She can picture the messy, gray room in her head and can almost smell the stuffy air.</p><p>2D pouts."Yeaa... beginning, it's not so bad Noods."</p><p>"Suree, Tootchie." She moves her glance over to Murdoc and frowns at him. It's like she's giving him a warning with her eyes, <em>don't even think about hurting 2D, </em>making Murdoc feel a bit uncomfortable.</p><p>"Anyways, have fun you two!" She says pulling her glance away from Murdoc and looking back at the tv.</p><p> </p><p>2D grabs Murdoc's hand and pulls him with him. They walk outside, their shadows twice as long as themselves, the air damp and cool, the street lights already turned on, the sounds of crickets filling the air, and a cloudless and darkening sky above them. A car passes by in full speed, making the men jump, head lights blinding them for a minute.</p><p>"What a bloody idiot.." Murdoc angrily shakes his head at the car in the distance. <em>Not that I'm the most careful driver... </em>He feels 2D giving his hand a squeeze, instantly calming him down. At the end of the road is a day and night shop, the lights of the neon store sign flickering.</p><p>Murdoc wants to walk in, pulling 2D with him but the singer points at the cigarette he is holding in his hand. "I'll wait outside Muds."</p><p>"Okay Stu, I'm just gonna get some cigarettes, I'll be right back."</p><p>Murdoc walks into the small store, his cheeks warming up from the warm air being blown in his face through the over the door heater. Murdoc quickly scans the store, there's a middle aged woman and a group of teenagers. He walks towards the drinks and grabs a cool caprisun juice box. <em>For Stu, he likes this shit. </em>He then grabs a beer for himself. The middle aged woman greets him with a flirty smile on her face when she passes him in the alcohol isle, she has long brown hair and is holding some bottles of booze. <em>She's good looking. </em>Murdoc thinks about engaging in conversation with the woman, but remembers the singer who's outside waiting for him. He smiles back at the woman and walks towards the checkout, asking for a pack of cigarettes. After he pays he walks back outside, instantly feeling the cold air hitting him in the face, eyes tearing up from the cold.</p><p>2D is standing with his back against the wall, hands hidden in his coat pockets. "Ah...you're back." He smiles at the bassist. "I'm freezing my arse off."</p><p>Murdoc chuckles. "That'd be a shame, you have a nice arse."</p><p>The singer blushes and hides his face in the collar of his coat. "Err..<br/>
Thanks Muds."</p><p>Murdoc grins at the blushing singer and grabs his hand. They start walking down the street, not sure where they're going. "Got you some juice Stu, it's the stuff you always drink, I think." Murdoc takes the juice box out off his pocket and gives it to 2D. </p><p>"Oh, orange juice! Thanks!" He smiles and starts fumbling with the straw. "Can you...err... push the straw in for me?"</p><p>Murdoc fights the urge to just smack the juice box from his hands, and instead takes it from the singer, and does what he asked him to do.</p><p>2D starts drinking from the juice box making loud sipping noices. He  observes Murdoc's face quietly, dark hair creating shadows on his face. He has a blank expression on his face, <em>slightly annoyed maybe.</em></p><p>"You gonna keep staring?" Murdoc says, interrupting the singer's thoughts. <br/>
2D quickly looks away, not being able to make out whether the bassist is annoyed with him or not.</p><p> </p><p>They cross the street, in front of them there's a big park, trees standing over some benches. Murdoc walks into the direction of the benches and sits down with a loud groan. 2D throws his now empty juice box in the trash can and carefully sits down next to Murdoc, staring down at his own hands. His nails are painted in different colors and he has some bruises on his knuckles, <em>not sure how those got there.</em></p><p>They sit in silence for a while, staring at the night sky, studying the silver glow of the moon. Murdoc wraps his arm around the singer's waist and takes his beer from his pocket. "You cold, Stu?"  </p><p>The singer shakes his head, but his trembling hands betray him.</p><p>"Yea you are..errr..." Murdoc puts his beer down on the bench, clears his throat loudly and pulls the singer in for a hug. At first it feels a little awkward for both of them, but they eventually let their bodies relax. 2D can feel his body heating up and his hands stop shaking from the cold, he lets his legs rest on top of Murdoc's.</p><p>Murdoc rubs circles on his back and places a soft kiss on his neck. "Less cold now...ey?"</p><p>The singer nods and nuzzles his nose in the crook of Murdoc's neck. "Did I annoy you Muds?"</p><p>Murdoc chuckles. "Always Stu." He places another kiss on the singers neck. "But I don't mind..." <em>Not anymore.</em></p><p>Murdoc knows he doesn't really deserve these moments with the singer. He certainly hadn't been the nicest to him over the past few years. He knows that singer forgave him and isn't angry at him, but he wouldn't even blame him if he hated him. He holds 2D tighter, his hand holding the back of the singers head, fingers tangled in his blue hair. After a moment he pulls his hand away from the singer's head, 2D waited, not sure if he should pull back from the hug.</p><p>"This is nice right? You and me cuddled up together on this bench?"</p><p>"Oh, shut up, won't you..." Murdoc scoffs, makes some weird noices, but doesn't let go of him. He likes the way they are now, they way he feels the singer's warm breath tickle his neck, the way his soft hair feels against his cheek, the way 2D's too-long legs rest on top of this. It was hard to shove aside the worries corrupting his mind, but eventually, he just... stopped thinking. He was alone with the singer. Not a single thing could harm him. </p><p>"I know you like it, you don't 'ave to say it." 2D chuckles and rests his head on Murdoc's shoulder. The cold that he felt before, had been replaced by a feeling of warmth and love for the bassist.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>((There's smut ahead in this chapter! Please stop reading if you feel uncomfortable!))<br/>It's a bit of a short one but I hope you enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following week they pretty much repeat the same day over and over again. They hangout together in one of their rooms. Some days they walk around at night for a bit, sometimes sitting down somewhere for a smoke, coming home at night smelling of cigarettes. <br/>
2D comes downstairs late at night to watch some movies, and if he doesn't fall asleep on the couch, he falls asleep next to Murdoc. <br/>
Russel and Noodle let their two bandmembers be, they're happy to get some rest and not have Murdoc on their ass about practice.</p><p>One day after eating dinner together downstairs, Murdoc and 2D decide to go for their evening walk and smoke.</p><p>They walk past a park and decide to sit down in the grass. Murdoc hands 2D a cigarette and watches him put it between his lips. The flickering light from the flame dances over his pale face. He has seen the singer do this many times, but it still makes him stare for some reason. The singer takes a shallow drag and closes his eyes when he exhales, gray smoke escaping his mouth, curling over his parted lips. Murdoc realizes he's still staring at the singer and pulls his glance away. <em>Mesmerized.</em></p><p>The bassist lights his own cigarette and lets himself fall down on the grass. He lets out some odd noices and wiggles his body until he's comfortable.</p><p>2D lays down on the grass next to Murdoc, resting his head on his arm. "Muds, when was the first time you felt attracted to me?" A playful grin dances over his face.</p><p>Murdoc thinks for a moment, before he says "The second car accident..., when you stood up off the ground. There you were... tall, pretty, blue spiky hair..."</p><p>"No eyeballs."</p><p>"No eyeballs." Murdoc chuckles awkwardly. <br/>
"But you just got out of the bloody catatonic state that you'd been in... you were still...err..." <em>Stupid. </em>"Confused."</p><p>"Okay...but when did you like me more than <em>just </em>friends?"</p><p>Murdoc scratches his head, he didn't even consider the singer to be his friend for a while. "See I always tried to hate you... I felt jealous of you Stu. You had loads of friends, caring parents, a nice home and you look...err, <em>attractive." </em>Murdoc takes a drag from his cigarette and puts one of his arms underneath his head. "There wasn't one moment where it all changed... there were little moments. Moments where you were just being a bloody idiot, moments where you were excitingly talking about those stupid movies you like, those moments where you were all philosophical, moments where you were singing lyrics that I wrote... and all those moments where you were nice to me, for no reason really."</p><p>The singer stares at the man next to him and kisses him softly on his lips. "You're attractive too." He winks at the bassist.</p><p>Murdoc blushes and pulls some grass from the ground, nervously fidgeting with it in between his fingers. "What about you, Stu?"</p><p>The singer throws the cigarette bud in the grass and giggles softly, going through the memories in his head.</p><p>"I can think of two moments, Muds. The first time I saw you playing bass. You looked very intense, focused and kinda <em>hot." </em>He blushes thinking back at the memory and quickly continues talking. "And when I saw you take care of Noodle when she had fallen down the stairs. She had bruises on her legs and was crying a bit... you lifted her off the ground and washed the dirt from the scabs on her knees." He smiles softly at the memory. "You always <em>tried</em> to take care of her, <em>tried </em>to make her happy." 2D clears his throat and folds his hands behind his head.</p><p>"I've hated you too Muds..., but never for long. I knew that you were dealing with a lot. You always did these little things that showed me that you cared..."</p><p>Murdoc smiles softly, staring up at the far away stars filling the night sky. He grabs the singer's hand. "This is nice, Stu." He admits.</p><p>"Yea... I think so too" 2D looks up at the darkness above him, one more question on his mind, that he is nervous to ask.</p><p>"So, err...Muds.. what are we?" He chews the inside of his mouth, feeling a bit uneasy.</p><p>Murdoc frowns at the singer, not really understanding what he means. <em>What are we? </em>"What kind of philosophical question is that, Stu?"</p><p>"Like..., what <em>are</em> we, together? Relationship status?"</p><p>"Oh...that." Murdoc doesn't know how to answer this question, he had never been in a serious relationship. "I'm not sure Stu..."</p><p>2D glances over at the man next to him. "I'd like to be with you...in a relationship, I mean..." He fidgets with the grass underneath his hand.</p><p>"A relationship...with me? The person who made you miserable for years...?" <em>Why!</em></p><p>The singer nods. "Yea muds..., you know I forgave you for that a while ago..."</p><p>Murdoc closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Stu...I'm not a good person, you deserve better." It hurts for him to say this, but he knows it's true.</p><p>"You see Muds,... it's..." 2D rubs his temples as if that's going to make him be able to think better. "There's good in the bad, and then there's bad in the good... balance. It's not all black and white y'know..."</p><p>"So you're telling me that I'm a bad person, with some good in me..?" Murdoc says whilst grinning uncomfortably.</p><p>2D let's out an awkward chuckle. "Yea... I guess so... but see I don't think you're a bad person.."</p><p>"Nice save, face-ache!" Murdoc throws some grass at the singer and both of them start laughing. They then stare up at the sky again in quietness.</p><p>They're both quiet for a bit until Murdoc interrupts the silence. <br/>
"I think a person can only handle so many shitty things in a lifetime... and when it gets too much, or goes untreated, unnoticed... sometimes it starts to rot." Murdoc starts to fidget with his shirt, uncomfortable with the underlying vulnerability in what he just said, but he continues his sentiment. "You start to rot.. and you start to make the people around you rot. You pull everyone down with you, you can't help it. You're just so fucking damaged and broken inside and you don't know how to deal with it." He glances at the sky not wanting to look at the singer, not wanting to see his reaction. "I guess that's why I made your life so bloody miserable and you just forgave me Stu,...countless times."</p><p>"Because I want to..."</p><p>"I know..., But it isn't about you forgiving me. It's about me deserving your forgiveness. And I don't think I do..., hell, I know I don't." There's a sadness in his voice and he tries not to break down in tears.</p><p>"You're good Stu... you're so fucking good, too good for me." Murdoc blinks away the tears that have formed in his eyes. "I guess... you and I...together...in a relationship..., would be a bit stupid y'know." He forces a sad smile, still looking up at the sky.</p><p>2D can feel himself getting angry, lifting himself up from the ground a bit. "No Muds, I don't. Many people have called me stupid for years, think I need help making decisions, think I am not able to think for myself." He says as he tries really hard not to yell, he doesn't want to direct his anger towards Murdoc. "<b>I am </b>able to make my own decisions, and I choose to forgive you. You can't make that decision for me, only I can. I make that decision... because, I... because I love you Muds" His hands start shaking on the cold grass beneath him and his cheeks have turned red.</p><p>Murdoc looks at the singers black eyes with a surprised look on his face. "You love me? Like <em>love me?" </em>2D is the only person who has ever said those words to him and it confuses him.</p><p>"Yea Muds, I do,...'ave for a while...I love you without knowing how or when, or from where." 2D feels an urge to grab Murdoc, hold him, never let go. "I love you in this way, because...I dunno any other way of loving you but this..."</p><p>2D moves his body closer to Murdoc, he has to hold himself back from grabbing him.</p><p>Murdoc stares at the singer, trying to tune in with his own feelings, trying to understand the situation, but deep down he already knows how he feels towards the singer.<br/>
"I love you too, Stu." Murdoc says quietly. He can't stop it anymore, tears start welling up in his eyes and dripping down his cheeks. <em>I've never been loved like that, or at all really, it feels uneasy, I don't deserve it, but it feels good.</em></p><p>Crying felt good, especially when they were tears that he didn't want to push away, for once. They weren't drops of sadness, no. They were more like the feelings of joy, relief, happiness and freedom streaming away from his hurt eyes. He almost never cried, but this night, under the protection millions of stars and the love of his singer, he felt like he could let the floodgates open without having to feel weak, or embarrassed.</p><p>2D couldn't contain himself any longer, he grabs Murdoc's face and kisses him, tasting the saltiness of his tears on his lips, but he doesn't care, he loves Murdoc and Murdoc loves him back. That's all that matters right now.</p><p>They walk home, stopping every few minutes to kiss each other passionately, until they're out of breath.</p><p>When they finally get home they rush into the singers bedroom, hands all over each other. The room is pitch black, all the lights had been turned off before they left.</p><p>"Turn the lights on, Stu." Murdoc commands, voice sounding deep and throaty, making the singer feel weak in his knees.</p><p>The singer fumbled his hand along the wall for the switch, light flickering on, when he found it. The light wasn't very bright, but that didn't matter, Murdoc just wanted to be able to see 2D.</p><p>Murdoc pushes 2D against the wall, taking off his coat and sweater, placing kisses all over the singers naked torso. He softly bites the skin around his nipple and grabs a handful of the blue hair.</p><p>The singer can't help the sounds that are escaping his mouth. He keeps his eyes on Murdoc, making sure that he's okay. He removes Murdoc's clothing until he's only wearing his underwear. 2D pulls him closer and kisses him softly at first, getting gradually rougher. His head is spinning as a very intense, primal feeling washes over him. He keeps eye contact with the bassist as he tugs down his own jeans. 2D is trying to be sexy, but he's not sure if it's working.</p><p>Murdoc laughs at the singer and helps him out, pulling his jeans down in one quick motion.</p><p>2D gasps before letting out a chuckle. "That works..."</p><p>Murdoc slides his one hand into the singer's boxers, other hand cupping his arse. 2D lets his head fall back and closes his eyes, as the bassist strokes his erection. Murdoc puts his hand around the singer's chin, pulling his head so that he's facing him. "Look at me Stu..." <em>He looks beautifully flustered.</em></p><p>2D guides his own hands towards the bassist's underwear and starts tugging them, getting frustrated. Before they know it, they're both standing naked in the ill-lit bedroom, breathing heavily.</p><p>"Are you sure about this?" 2D has a serious expression on his face.</p><p>"Yes...damnit Stu, yes." <em>But S</em><em>tuart </em><em>might not be, is this not taking it slow? </em>Murdoc pauses and asks. "A-are you?" The singer nods and pulls Murdoc closer again, kissing his neck. "I'm very sure Muds."</p><p>Murdoc sees this as a green light to push 2D back against the wall, probably bruising him. The singer moans and starts stroking Murdoc's hard cock.</p><p>Murdoc's body freezes for a moment, but 2D connects their lips again, making him relax. <em>It's just Stuart.</em></p><p>The kissing is needy, aggressive and passionate, making the men want more. Hands all over each other, driving them crazy.</p><p>"Bed, Stu..." Murdoc says with a low voice, getting impatient, needing more. Their bodies collapse on top of the bed, quickly finding each other again.</p><p>2D climbs on top of Murdoc and starts moving himself around on his crotch, hands running through Murdoc's hair.</p><p>"Fuck Stu... keep going." He groans biting his lip, running his long nails over the singer's back. The feeling of 2D's skin on his gives him a intense sensation, making his toes curl up.</p><p>"You look pretty Muds..." 2D smirks down at the older man's face. "Really pretty..." His hands cling at the bassist's back, hips still moving, grinding. "Do you like this, Muds?"</p><p>Murdoc rolls his eyes, he wants to fuck his singer until he can't talk anymore. He enjoys 2D's chattiness, but not right now. "Lube Stu." <em>I'll make him shut up.</em></p><p>2D leans towards his nightstand and grabs a bottle of lube from the bottom drawer.</p><p>Murdoc takes the bottle from his hands and covers his cock and fingers with the lube. He lifts 2D up slightly and inserts two fingers inside of him, stretching him out, causing the singer to squirm on top of him. Moans coming of his lips.</p><p>When he thinks 2D is ready, he slides his cock inside the singer, causing him to moan in pain and pleasure.</p><p>He feels tight around Murdoc's cock, making the bassist groan. He decides to take it slow, as the singer seems to be in pain. 2D stutters to say something, but Murdoc shushes him. He slowly lets himself in deeper, starting to move the singer up and down, tightly holding his hips.</p><p>The singer starts to moan louder, digging his nails into Murdoc's back. Murdoc takes a moment to take in his view, the singer has his eyes closed, a tear rolling down his cheek, his legs shaking around Murdoc's body and his lips slightly parted.</p><p>"You like this Stu?" Murdoc strokes some hair out of the singer's face.</p><p>The singer struggles to open his eyes, to look at Murdoc who's hitting his prostate just right. "Mhmm y-yes...feels good."</p><p>Murdoc smiles proudly and pushes the singer off him, down on the bed, causing the singer to gasp in shock. Murdoc likes being in control, it makes him feel comfortable, safe. He lifts the singer up a bit and starts fucking him again, their moans filling the room. He pushes him down and wraps his hand around his singer's neck, carefully choking him.</p><p>2D feels himself getting lightheaded,<em> in a good way,</em> and wraps his shaky legs around Murdoc's body.</p><p>"S' this good Stu?"</p><p>2D nods and lets his head fall back into the pillow.</p><p>Murdoc removes his hand from the singer's neck and licks his palm, guiding the wet hand to 2D's cock, jerking it.</p><p>2D's moans are even louder than before, making Murdoc smile, he always thought about how loud the singer would be in bed, and he's not disappointed. "You sound so fucking good Stu..." Murdoc lets his free hand travel over the singer's body, pausing at his hip. He grabs the singer's hip, nails digging in and thrusts getting harder and faster.</p><p>"Yes...yes, please keep going!" The singer cries out, balling his hands up into fists, knuckles turning white. "I'm so-so close...mmmhh..." He tightens his legs around the bassist's body, hands grabbing the bedsheets and his eyes squeezed shut. "Fuuck...aaa!" 2D feels his body cramp up, white liquid spilling all over his naked torso and Murdoc's hand. He tries to catch his breath but Murdoc keeps fucking him, sweat dripping down his face, nails digging into the singer's hot skin. <em>Murdoc looks so fucking hot.</em></p><p>"I'm...I'm...close." Murdoc throws his head back, feeling himself loose control. "Fuuuck." He yells as he cums inside of the singer's asshole.</p><p>He let's his body collapse on the bed, next to the singer, both men breathing heavily.</p><p>2D is the first one to break the silence. "Wow...Muds.." He giggles. "That...was really good." He turns his head and places some sloppy kisses on the bassist's neck.</p><p>"Really, really fucking good Stu..."</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>Murdoc rolls his eyes at the ridiculous question, he just had amazing sex with his beautiful singer and is still out of breath,... <em>he just cares about you. </em>"I feel good you bloody idiot..., that was amazing." He grabs the singer's face and kisses him softly. "You make me feel good..." His voice is quiet and he feels the tiredness wash over him.</p><p>2D smiles at himself, <em>he made Murdoc feel good. </em>"I'm glad Muds... that I make you feel good..., you make me feel good too." He shifts his body around, laying on his side, wrapping himself around the bassist. He places kisses on Murdoc's back and on his head.</p><p>Murdoc doesn't mind being 'the little spoon', he's quite comfortable actually. He feels safe and protected with the singer's long and lanky body wrapped around him.</p><p>2D holds the older man around his waist and pulls him closer. He closes his eyes, feeling completely spend. After a little while he hears snorring coming from the older man, a smile tugs at his lips, <em>he must be knackered, he's not the youngest anymore. </em><br/>
He plays with the bassist's black hair and pulls the blanket over the both of them, as he feels his own body getting heavier.</p><p> </p><p>Murdoc wakes up the tangled together with his singer. He rolls over so that he can look him in the face. Study him. He notices how his blue hair gets blown out of his face, with every deep exhale that leaves his mouth. He notices how the blanket is not covering 2D's entire torso. The singer his ribs stick out, barely covered by the thin layer of flesh hanging over the bones.</p><p>"Are you staring at me?" 2D slowly opens his dark eyes, feeling Murdoc's glance on him.</p><p>"No, am not mate. Don't flatter yourself mmh."</p><p>"Yeah, you are." A smile dances over the singer's face. He enjoys getting people their attention for his looks. Especially now that he is getting a bit older.</p><p>"Whatever." Murdoc scoffs, but does not look away from the blue haired man's face.</p><p>2D stares back at the bassist, pushing the messy blue hair out of his face, away from his eyes.</p><p>"Well, we really took it slow, eh Stu?" Sarcasm drips from the bassist's voice. He chuckles and places his hand on the singer's face, thumb rubbing small circles on his soft cheek.</p><p>"Do you regret it Muds?" 2D asks.</p><p>"Regret? I don't regret sex, D. Mmh, do you?"</p><p>The singer shakes his head. "No, I don't."</p><p>"That's good, that's good..." Murdoc's hand moves down to the singer his bruised neck, tracing the hickeys with his fingers. One bite mark catches his eye, reminding him of the time he had bitten his neck before a photoshoot, 2D had not been happy with him. It had caused a lot of speculation among fans. </p><p>Murdoc takes a cigarette and places it between his lips. He grabs his lighter from underneath the dirty yellow tinted pillow. It sparks, but no flame comes out. “Fuck.”</p><p>“Here.” 2D grabs his own lighter and lights the bassist's cigarette for him.</p><p>“Thanks.” Murdoc takes a long drag and smiles with his lips around the cigarette. He grabs the lighter out off the singer's hand. "Gonna borrow this for a bit."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"You want a fag, Stu?" Murdoc asks.</p><p>"No thanks, I'm good..." 2D looks at the lighter in the bassist his hand with a puzzled look on his face.</p><p>"Wanna do something today? Together?"</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. chapter seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hii! I've been really busy, but I'll be writing this story again! Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"Wanna do something today? Together?" </em>
</p><p>~ </p><p>"I could make you some breakfast, err, toast maybe?" 2D says.</p><p>"Mmh, sounds good. And after?"</p><p>2D rests his head in his palm. He had been enjoying his time with his older bandmate, <em>especially last night. </em>But he feels like having some time by himself, sorting out his thoughts.<br/>"I was thinking, we err... 'ave been together a lot. Might wanna do something,... not with you."</p><p>"You serious mate?" Murdoc tilts his head slightly to look the singer in his eyes.</p><p>"Yeah, I-"</p><p>Murdoc looks down nervously, his hand picking at his dry lips. "Does this have something to do with last night?"</p><p>"Huh, no. I enjoyed last night, Muds. A lot." 2D his eyes are wide with confusion.</p><p>"What is it then, Stu?" Murdoc tries to sounds intimidating but fails immensely, his voice sounding shaky and unsure.<br/>"You getting tired of me?" He feels his stomach twist into an uncomfortable knot.</p><p>It always came back to this. Murdoc being scared to be left alone, all by himself. 2D used to think that the satanist was not scared of anything, but that image that he had of the bassist in his head, had completely crumbled over the years. And yet Murdoc still tried to play the part of the fearless, satanist with a better-than-god attitude.</p><p>He would flirt with death and hurt himself just to be distracted from his horrible thoughts and fears. But the thing with pain is that it is only temporary, and fear and addiction follows you to the grave. An addiction to drugs, sex and alcohol, maybe even to the company of the blue haired singer next to him. To anything that kills his loneliness and sadness, at least for a little while.</p><p>"Oh, shut up, you twat." 2D grabs the burning cigarette from the bassist his mouth with a playful smile on his face, and takes a long drag. His dark eyes have a child-like twinkle in them.</p><p>"Mmhh, s'cuse me?" Murdoc laughs at the singer and steals the cigarette back from the singer his mouth.</p><p>"I am not getting tired of you. I still want to do things with you, you idiot. I just think it would be... healthy if we did other things as well. We don't 'ave to do everything together. We are not joined at the hip, luckily, that would be a bloody nightmare..." <br/>2D loses his train of thought for a moment, thinking about a scenario where that would be rather difficult. "I just... I just need to spend some time alone too."</p><p>"Healthy, Stu? Yeah, sure we can be bloody healthy for once. Let's be fucking healthy." Murdoc says mockingly. He presses the cigarette down into the ashtray. "Also do not pretend like you have never left me before."</p><p>"Murdoc, I know that I 'ave,... but everthing always lead me right back to you." 2D thinks about how upset Murdoc had been when he had left him before.<br/>"You know I often fantasize about a better life. Just anything better than this. But you are always there, to snap me out of it. Snap me out of my the grass is always greener,... <em>somewhere else</em>, fantasy."</p><p>"Oh, piss off Stu. You would love to leave me behind and live out your little fantasies."</p><p>2D shakes his head at the bassist who seemed to be making a bigger deal than necessary. They had been spending every minute together, <em>except for when they had to use the toilet,</em> for the past couple of weeks.</p><p>"I just need some alone time... And you know I tried to live out my fantasies, because I thought that that is what I want. But I do not. We balance each other-"</p><p>"Pff balance... What the bloody hell are you on about." <br/>Murdoc looks over at his singer and notices the sad look on his face. He slowly places his hand on the singer his arm.</p><p>"Stu, listen to me. I am getting older. I am. I am getting too bloody old to be left behind...by you. I do not care too much about romance or living a perfect fucking life. But I do want to share my fucked up life with you. I am so bloody tired of feeling so lonely. We are not necessarily healthy together. I just do not fucking care about that."</p><p>"I know. I know, Murdoc." 2D says.<br/>"I never expected to have a perfect bloody relationship with you. Look at me, Muds." 2D points at his own face.</p><p>"I am always doped up and tired. My head hurts most of the time and I need to work on my big, stupid fucking ego. Feel like I would have been a better person if we had not found success. I 'ave done things that I regret... And I can not keep blaming you for everything that went wrong in my life. But sometimes I do. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if we had never met. That is when I create fantasies in my head. But those fantasies are not real, Muds. What I feel for you, what we 'ave, that is real."</p><p>Murdoc nods and tries to take in everything the singer had said. 2D could be surprisingly well spoken, sometimes leaving Murdoc at a loss for words.</p><p>The bassist scratches his head and sighs. He thinks for a moment before he replies to 2D. <br/>"Stu, you can blame me, that is fine. Get angry with me. Hell, you can fight me, give me exactly what I deserve... Just don't leave me." His voice cracks and he runs his hand through his messy thick hair. "Tell me what you want, Stu. What you expect from this, from us."</p><p>"Muds, I want to annoy the hell out of you for the rest of your miserable little life." A smirk dances over 2D his face.</p><p>Murdoc chuckles and pushes the singer against his shoulder. "Piss off mate." He is happy to see how quickly the sadness seemed to have disappeared from the singer his face.</p><p>"I also want to sleep in your dirty bed after we fuck each other. Make you breakfast. Smoke together. Go for walks. Sing the songs that you wrote. 'Ave you take care of me when I'm in too much pain. Spend the rest of my life dealing with your annoying banter and attitude."</p><p>"How bloody sweet, Stu. I must be so much better than the fantasies you create." Murdoc can not help but break out in laughter seeing the singer his smug smile.</p><p>"Well, I would want nothing less, Stu. I guess you can do things on your own then, leave me all by myself for a bit. "</p><p>"Oh, fuck off." 2D chuckles softly. "I am just gonna be spending some time with Noodle, probably. Maybe with Russel. Or by myself. I'm not leaving you behind forever, you twat."</p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>"Promise what, Muds?" 2D tilts his head sideways and frowns.</p><p>"That you will not leave me, not for forever. That you will always come back."</p><p>"Yeah, I promise." 2D hold up his pinky finger and smirks.</p><p>Murdoc hooks his pinky around 2D his slim finger and starts laughing. "Thanks,... idiot."</p><p>"You can be a real selfish twat, y'know that." 2D knows that he can say this now, now that the bassist is in a happier mood again. "With that being said, give me back my bloody lighter. Noodle got it for me."</p><p>"Here ya go, faceache." Murdoc playfully tosses the lighter into the singer his lap. His facial expression gets more serious. "I have put you through a lot, and maybe I am a bit dramatic and selfish, I am sorry Stu."</p><p>The singer leans his body closer to the bassist and cups his face. He presses a soft kiss on Murdoc his broken and damaged lips.</p><p>"Yeah, I know, 's okay. Forgiven and forgotten." The singers says with a smile on his face.<br/>"Can I sit in your lap?"</p><p>Murdoc laughs at the singer his weird question and nods. 2D does not waste a second and climbs into his lap, long legs sticking out, face close to Murdoc's. He does not seem to care that they are both still naked.</p><p>"You are an interesting person Muds. Not boring at all. Wicked cool sometimes. And that's good, 'cus, yeah, you know how bad my attention span is." 2D winks and a soft smile covers his face, whilst he tries to make the situation more comfortable. He feels bad for telling Murdoc, that he needs his alone time.</p><p>The bassist smiles, appreciating the conversation shift and looks up at the blue haired man in front of him. He knows deep down that he needs the singer to praise him. Tell him that he is not a terrible person. Let him know that he, after everything, still enjoys spending time with him. He knows it is not a good thing, but his self worth is completely reliant on how other people perceive him. People that he cares about and wants to impress. Fans. Stuart.<br/>Murdoc wants to act cool and careless, but he cares. A lot.</p><p>"Your breath stinks a bit, mate." The singer says unexpectedly, making Murdoc break out in laughter. 2D does not move his face however, and flashes the bassist a playful, toothless grin. He seems to be quite pleased with himself.</p><p>"Well, that is uncalled for..." Murdoc mumbles.</p><p>The bassist pulls the blue haired singer closer and places kisses all over his pale face, just missing his lips. He does not care about 2D smelling his morning breath.</p><p>2D groans impatiently. Every kiss that misses his lips is making him want Murdoc more. He has trouble breathing as it feels like a tornado is tearing up his chest, debris filling up his lungs.</p><p>Murdoc knows exactly what he is doing to the singer. Driving the blue haired man crazy under his touch.</p><p>"Come on Muds,... quit teasing me you wanker,... please just-"</p><p>2D gets cut off by Murdoc his lips pressing firmly against his. The bassist his teeth gently sink into his bottom lip, pulling his mouth closer. Their hands run over each other's backs, moans slipping off their lips. They eventually pull away and smile sheepishly at each other.</p><p>"You still love me, Stu?" The bassist meant for this to sound like a joke, but his facial expression is serious.</p><p>2D tangles his hands into Murdoc his hair, face radiating joy. "I do, you old goth."</p><p>"Well you better mate..., hmm, because I do love you, y'know." Murdoc says. "Do not tell anyone I said that."</p><p>"Yeah, I won't. Our secret." 2D winks and squeezes Murdoc his hand.</p><p>They both chuckle and quickly connect their lips again, causing their teeth to clash. They grin against each others lips, amused by their need for one another. Their cheeks are burning up, coloring red. They do not give themselves a single moment to breathe.</p><p>The singer wraps his long legs around Murdoc his waist, getting more comfortable in his lap. Worries fading away into the background, not being important anymore. The closeness making them forget that they are not the only two people on the planet. They eventually have to pull away from the kiss, lungs needing air.</p><p>"Muds, maybe we could go for a walk today, in the evening."</p><p>"Yeah, we could, Stu. We have been walking around quite a lot, haven't we." Murdoc says. <br/>His eyes are still focused on the younger man his chapped lips and his mind is focused on how 2D his skinny naked body is pressed against his.<br/>"My legs are still tired, y'know."</p><p>"Well that is just 'cus your legs are so short. It costs you more energy. I 'ave been enjoying our walks."</p><p>Murdoc laughs and runs his hand through the singer his messy blue hair.</p><p>"You woke up with a sassy attitude today, eh mate?" Murdoc enjoys the snappy side of the singer. Moments where he doesn't have much of a filter.</p><p>"Stu, I really fancy the way you sit in my lap, y'know, I do. But my bloody legs are falling asleep and cramping up."</p><p>"Well, that is 'cus you are clapped out."<br/>The singer giggles, his laugh sounding like a broken, squeaky dog toy.</p><p>2D moves his long-limbed body from Murdoc his lap to sits down in front of him, not wanting the intimacy to end. He motions Murdoc to come closer him.</p><p>Murdoc his face lights up at the sight of the singer in front of him, almost begging him. Wanting him. He leans in closer, lips kissing 2D his mouth. Tasting his sweet, sweet lips. He can taste the painkillers on the singer his wet tongue.</p><p>2D is so easy under his touch, so agreeable, so easy to tease and turn on. <em>Easy to pin down, touch and-</em></p><p>The singer moves his mouth to Murdoc his neck and leaves bites, hickeys and bruises on his rough skin. His hands run over Murdoc his naked torso, scratching the skin, marking it.</p><p>Murdoc his head is spinning faster than a fan on a hot summer's day. He can feel the singer his hand move down his torso, stopping right below his bellybutton.</p><p>"Can I?"</p><p>Murdoc nods, throat too thick to form words. It is one of the odd effects that the singer has on him.</p><p>2D his hand slides down to the older man his crotch. His head moves down and the singer places gentle kisses on Murdoc his stomach, making the bassist groan and twitch his legs. He softly pushes Murdoc against his stomach, further down into the pillow.</p><p>"You look good underneath me." 2D pushes Murdoc his thick hair out of his face and winks at him.</p><p>Murdoc groans, but can not stop the smile from forming on his face. "Oh, sweet satan. Shut up, D." He places his hands on the singer his bony back and pulls him in closer again.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sounds that had echoed in the singer his bedroom had slowly faded away, and had been replaced by heavy breathing and soft spoken words.</p><p>"You know what would be nice..." 2D scratches his head, and stares at the ceiling. His back leaning into the mattress.</p><p>Murdoc could hear the singer breathe loudly. The singer his lungs were ruined and black from all of the years of binge smoking. <em>And yet his voice is still able to produce a pleasant sound. </em><br/>"Yeah, Stu?"</p><p>"What?" The singer snaps out his thoughts and looks at Murdoc with a confused frown.</p><p>Murdoc smiles softly. He tried to be patient with 2D, in moments where he seemed spaced out, confused or forgetful.</p><p>"What would be nice mate?"</p><p>"Oh...yeah, give me a moment."</p><p>Murdoc runs his hand through his blue hair again. He wishes he could look inside the singer his mind sometimes. See all of his thoughts. Know what he is thinking. It probably would not make much sense though.</p><p>"Muds... I dunno, I forgot." 2D gives up on trying to find the lost thoughts and leans back.</p><p>"That is okay Stu, don't worry. Maybe you will remember it later, mmh." <br/>Murdoc rests his hand on 2D his head and relaxes his body into the bed.</p><p>They lay in bed, talking, for what seems like hours. Time always seemed to vanish in moments like these. Moments were they both genuinely enjoy each other's company and, mainly nonsensical, banter.</p><p>Murdoc lights a joint that he had found in the singer his bed stand and shares it with the man next to him. It doesn't get him high, but 2D his banter makes him feel like it does. The singer rants about the meaning of life, <em>or something like that.</em> The things he says honestly just don't seem to make much sense, but Murdoc enjoys his company. Likes how he, because of 2D, had not felt lonely for a while.</p><p>"Muds, do you think Noodle and Russ know?"</p><p>Murdoc rubs his eyes and looks over to the singer. "Know what?"</p><p>"Know that we..." 2D tries to choose his words carefully. "Are more than friends?"</p><p>Murdoc chuckles at the blue haired man next to him and passes him the joint. "I don't know Stu... They're not stupid, y'know." He glances at the marks he had left on the singer his neck and chuckles. "But if they did know, they probably would not be very fond of the idea of us... being more than friends."</p><p>2D takes the joint from the bassist his hand and frowns. "They would not judge us..."</p><p>"Would not judge you, you mean. Come on now mate, don't be bloody stupid... They would never think that I, after all the things I have done to you, am good enough for you." Murdoc shakes his head and closes his eyes.</p><p>"It wouldn't matter what they would think anyways. I think you're good enough." 2D hangs his arm around Murdoc his shoulder.</p><p>Murdoc smiles at the singer and shakes his head in disagreement. His head is too fuzzy for him to be able to put his disagreement into words, so he just stays silent. <em>No need to start another argument about this shit.</em></p><p>"Oh, Murdoc! I remember!" 2D excitingly waves the joint around. Ashes falling down on the bed.</p><p>Murdoc groans and rubs his eyes. "What mate?"</p><p>"I remember what I wanted to say...earlier."</p><p>"Oh... that. That is good. What was it, Stu?" Murdoc takes the joint from the singer his hand, not wanting him to accidentally drop it on the bed, and takes a long drag.</p><p>"It would be nice if we took some old bread and pizza with us, and then feed the ducks at the park." 2D looks at Murdoc with an excited look on his face, making him look much younger than he actually is.</p><p>"Don't know if feeding the ducks pizza would be a good idea, mate. For...err... their health y'know." Murdoc laughs, hand covering his mouth. "I do find that quite funny though." He passes 2D the almost burned out joint again. "We could feed them some old bread, D."</p><p>2D smiles with his eyes and nods. He places what is left of the joint in the ashtray and pulls Murdoc closer to him.</p><p>2D tells Murdoc how he thinks the ducks would definitely appreciate the pizza, because they must be getting bored of all the bread that they eat. How they have such a bland diet and would not mind some variation.</p><p>The bassist can only shake his head and laugh at the blue haired man next to him. The way his brain works, or fails to work sometimes, amuses Murdoc.</p><p>"D, will you tell me when you need some time by yourself?" Murdoc asks. He doesn't like feeling unwanted and like a burden. He wants people to like him, even when it seems like he could not care less. Murdoc never really used to take the singer his feelings into consideration, but he wants to.</p><p>2D nods and rests his hand on Murdoc his knee. "Yeah, I will."</p><p>They both feel that is is necessary to shower and put on some clean clothes. 2D goes into his own bathroom, leaving Murdoc behind.</p><p>Murdoc empties the ashtray by simply throwing the cigarette buds and ashes out off the bedroom window. He can hear the sound of ratteling pill bottles coming from the bathroom. <em>2D is probably going to take some painkillers. </em>He then hears the shower turn on.</p><p>Murdoc collects his own clothes that are scattered around 2D his bedroom. He takes a whiff of the dirty clothes and decides to go to his own room to get some 'clean' clothes and to maybe take a shower there.</p><p>After they are both done getting ready, they go downstairs to get something to eat.</p><p>Noodle is sitting at the dining table. She has her phone in her hand and a bowl of cereal in front of her. Her bangs hide part of her face and it is hard to see her eyes that are focused on the phone screen.</p><p>"Ey Noodle! Do you want some tea?" 2D asks. He walks over to the kitchen with a smile covering his face.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks D." She looks up from her phone for a moment and greets Murdoc.</p><p>"Tootchie, there is some woman claiming that you are the father of their child, ...again." Noodle looks up from her phone and glances over at the singer through her thick eyelashes. She still gets emails that should actually be directed to the singer. Most of the time it is quite annoying, but sometimes she finds it to be entertaining.</p><p>"How?" 2D asks.</p><p>"Stu..., sweet satan." Murdoc shakes his head and lights a cigarette. "I remember having to give Noodle <em>the talk </em>when she was a teen. Don't tell me I had to have given it to you too."</p><p>Noodle shakes her head thinking back at the memory. <br/>She had turned 18 and had a crush on a boy from a movie that she liked. She watched the movie over and over, and had even ripped a poster of him out off a magazine. <br/>Murdoc had noticed her little crush, and the ways boys looked at her, and felt that it was necessary to give her <em>the talk. </em><br/>He did not really give her much useful information and mainly said that he would kill anyone who touched her without her wanting them to. That she had to come to him directly if boys couldn't keep their hands to themselves. He also awkwardly handed her some condoms, which had made Noodle very uncomfortable. Looking back, she did appreciate him trying to be a parental figure for her. <em>He did his best.</em><br/>Later Russel had tried to give her sex-ed, but Noodle told him that Murdoc had done that already, so that she wouldn't have to go through another uncomfortable talk again.</p><p>"You think that there are some blue haired kids walking around, Tootchie?" Noodle hides her smile behind her black hair.</p><p>2D frowns and scratches his head. "They would have blue hair, you think?"</p><p>"Noodle, you do know that his blue hair is not genetic right?" Murdoc shakes his head. "Do not tell him shit like that, he will believe it."</p><p>"Yes, I know that, old man. I am just thinking... What if he <em>actually </em>has a kid? Or <em>kids</em>? What if this woman is not lying?" Noodle leans her chin in the palm of her hand. "The baby is only two weeks old! If that is his kids, then that would be <em>so cute! </em>I would be an aunt!"</p><p>"I could show them all my favorite movies and make them listen to all of my favorite bands!" 2D smiles excitedly.</p><p>"Just because you might have <br/>knocked some poor bird up, does not mean you could take care of a kid, mate." <em>He can barely take care of himself.</em> Murdoc stirs his tea and adds some more sugar to it.</p><p>"Yeah, I could!" 2D says.</p><p>Noodle frowns. "Well,... I think I have to agree with Murdoc for once. Do you even know anything about kids? Who would tie up their shoelaces, D?"</p><p>"Velcro!" 2D looks proud to have come up with that answer.</p><p>Noodle and Murdoc both shake their heads at the blue haired man.</p><p>"Yeah, I couldn't, Noods..." 2D admits and giggles softly. "I would be a fun uncle or brother though."</p><p>Noodle places her hand on 2D his blue hair and smiles. "Yeah, super fun brother."</p><p>Murdoc takes a sip of his tea and decides to add more sugar. "Don't think that the mother would want you to be her kid's brother, D." The bassist chuckles. "That would make you her son, eh?"</p><p>Noodle covers her mouth with her hand. "Oh no, ew!"</p><p>The three bandmembers all start laughing at the ridiculousness of their conversation and finish eating their food.</p><p>Murdoc goes back upstairs after eating his food. He thinks it would be best to give the singer some <em>alone time </em>now, before they go on their walk. <br/>2D stays downstairs with Noodle, to play a horror game together. The gameboys that they own are quite old, so the gore is not very good, but the game is still enjoyable to them.<br/>Noodle beats 2D <em>every-single-time</em> with ease.</p><p>"The aim of the game is to learn, to not make the same mistakes again. It has a pattern, D. It is all about logic." Noodle says, pressing the buttons on her gameboy.</p><p>"Okay!" 2D has no idea what she is talking about, he thought it was just a fun horror game.</p><p>After a while of playing, Noodle decides to quit. Playing with 2D is fun, but definitely not a challenge. She starts scrolling through her phone and shows 2D funny cat video's.</p><p>"D, it is getting late. Maybe you should go get Murdoc."</p><p>He listens to Noodle and gets Murdoc from the studio. He was lying on the couch with a bottle in his hands, trying to come up with lyrics. The page had stayed mostly empty.</p><p>They walk downstairs together, back to the living room.</p><p>2D grabs the bread from the kitchen. <em>For the ducks. </em>He walks back to the couch and sits down, putting his feet up on the couch and pouting at Murdoc. His shoe laces are untied and stuffed into his shoes.</p><p>"Muds, could you tie my shoelaces up?"</p><p>Murdoc chuckles at the fully grown blue haired man next to him on the couch, who does not know how to tie his own shoelaces. He would be lying if he said that he did not find it endearing. He grabs the singer his feet, one at a time, and places them on his lap, tying them up for him.</p><p>"There you go, Stu." He smiles at the singer who places his feet back on the floor. "Double knot."</p><p>"Thanks, Muds. Are you ready to go?"</p><p>"Ready as can be." Murdoc stands up and cracks his back. "Let's go."</p><p>They both put on their jackets and walk outside.</p><p>Murdoc takes a cigarette and places it between his lips. He pulls his lighter out of his pocket. The lighter sparks, but no flame comes out. “Fuck, not this again.”</p><p>“I don't understand why keep this shit lighter.” 2D covers the lighter with his hand, and as Murdoc tries again, a flame comes out.</p><p>“It's sentimental.” Murdoc takes a long drag and smiles with his lips around the cigarette clearly thinking about the memories the lighter holds.</p><p>"Why?" 2D asks.</p><p>"Well, wouldn't you like to know. Want a fag, Stu?"</p><p>"No thanks, I'm good."  2D takes his hands out of his pockets and rubs them together. "I can not wait for summer. I do not enjoy going outside in this weather."</p><p>Murdoc grabs one of 2D's hands and stuffs it in the pocket of his jacket. Both of their hands stuffed together in the bassist his pocket. Murdoc rubs his thumb over the back of the singer his hand. There are some crumbs and pennies at the bottom of the pocket, making the experience a bit less comfortable, but 2D appreciates the gesture and warmth none the less.</p><p>"Well, that is England for ya, mate."</p><p>2D shivers and frowns. "Yeah, England... We should take a vacation to a warmer place."</p><p>Murdoc nods. "We should."</p><p>"I could even go rollerblading then. That is no fun in the cold and rain."</p><p>"You just want to wear Noodle her green shorts again..., that cover absolutely nothing, mhm, for some attention."</p><p>2D chuckles and shakes his head. "Ey, they are comfortable and look quite good! Also, you often walk around half-naked. In a thong that covers even less!"</p><p>"That is just me keeping up the image, Stu. And it is not like you mind it." Murdoc laughs and takes another long drag from his cigarette. "And I am sure they do look good on you. Too bad I was not there to witness you wearing them."</p><p>"Yeah well, I still 'ave them you know. I could wear them for you." 2D smirks and winks at the bassist.</p><p>Murdoc laughs and playfully pushes the singer in his side. "I will remember that Stu." He can feel his cheeks heating up and looks away from the singer.</p><p>"Did I just make you blush?" 2D raises his eyebrows and smirks.</p><p>"No, it's the bloody weather... y'know, cold."</p><p>"Mhm yeah, sure." 2D nods and squeezes Murdoc his hand.</p><p>"That vacation does not sound like a bad idea either, Stu."</p><p>They discuss good holiday destinations and keep walking until they arrive at the park. They sit down next to each other, on the wooden bench, in front of the pond.</p><p>2D takes the bag of old bread out of the inner pocket of his jacket and rips the bread in small pieces. He stands up from the bench and walks closer to the pond.</p><p>On the surface of the pond there is a duck dipping its head in the water and shaking it. The drops fly outward, landing in the almost ripple-free water to make tiny waves that move outward in ever growing circles. 2D digs his hands into the plastic bread crumb bag and throws the crumbs as far as he can, which isn't very. Murdoc chuckles at the singer, who is smiling at the ducks that are swimming as fast as they can to get to the crumbs first. The ducks move through the water like they've got some kind of outboard motor. Underneath the dirty greenish water their legs are working hard to move them along at that speed.</p><p>"Stu, I see that you are very busy, but could I use your lighter mmh?"</p><p>2D nods and fishes his lighter out of his pocket. He hands it over to Murdoc and focuses his attention on the ducks again.</p><p>"Are they not cute, Muds!"</p><p>Murdoc takes a drag from his cigarette and snorts the smoke out of a flaring nostril. His eyes follow the child-like man. 2D is grinning like an idiot at the dumb animals swimming as if they are being chased by a blood hungry predator.</p><p>Murdoc keeps staring at the singer whilst taking a few gulps from his flask. 2D his cheeks and ears are red from the cold and his blue hair dances with the wind.</p><p>He sits back down next to Murdoc ones the plastic bag is empty, all the crumbs devoured by the greedy ducks. His back shivers against the cold wood. The ducks quickly realize that they are not getting more food, and swim away from the edge of the pond.</p><p>Murdoc pushes his cigarette between 2D his purple, chapped lips. <em>That'll perk him up.</em></p><p>The singer takes a deep drag and exhales the smoke into the air, watching it disappear in to the fogginess. He then flicks the cigarette into the grass and places his foot on it. His cold hand reaches for Murdoc's and holds it tightly.</p><p>"Sweet satan, Stu. Your hands are extremely fucking cold." Murdoc grabs both of 2D his hands and rubs them with his rough hands. "You get cold very easily, mate." <em>Probably because his body is build like a grain of rice.</em></p><p>2D looks down at his hands and notices the color and feeling coming back to his fingers. He wonders if there is anything that feels better than the satanist caring for him. Showing him that he cares. <em>Probably not.</em></p><p>"Thanks." 2D says softly, wiggling his fingers to keep them warm.</p><p>The bassist stands up from the wooden bench. "No worries, D." <br/>He lifts his arm up and gives the taller man a pat on his back. "Lets go into a nearby pub, yeah? Warm you up."</p><p>"Yeah, okay."</p><p>2D lifts himself up from the bench and puts his hands in his pockets to keep them warm.</p><p>Murdoc has a pub in mind and starts walking. After about 15 minutes of walking, he lets 2D know that they are almost there. </p><p>The streets are quiet and empty. You could hear the sound of an empty beer can roll over the cobbled street, being pushed around by the wind. A neon sign catches 2D his attention. The bright lights sting like a fresh cut, making the singer squint his sensitive eyes.</p><p>"There we go, mate." Murdoc rests his hand on the rough paintwork that covers the door to the pub, and pushes it open. Black paint chips off the door and falls onto the ground.  He steps into the shaded room and holds the door open for the singer, with a smirk on his face.</p><p>They both walk into the ill-lid pub. The loud voices contrast the silent street that they just came from. 2D looks around through his long lashes. His eyes need a moment to adjust to the darkness and smoke around him. Murdoc often brought him to the most dingy pubs the singer had ever been to. The pubs often had an old tv hanging from the wall, sports playing. And it always smells like a mixture of stale booze, cheap parfum, body odor, cigarettes and whatever greasy food they serve. 2D walks towards the table that Murdoc had already sat down at. He sits down on the stool, knees pressing uncomfortably against the table.</p><p>"You wanna eat something, mate?" Murdoc pressed a cigarette inbetween his chapped lips and clicked the singer's lighter, that he had put in his pocket, to life and lit it.</p><p>2D shakes his head and taps his fingers on the sticky table. He does not feel hungry at all. <em>A </em><em>downside to the painkillers.</em></p><p>Murdoc places the cigarette in between his nicotine stained teeth and and makes some odd noices. "Drinks it is then..." He glances around the grim room, trying to spot someone who is working.</p><p>A tall blonde walks over to their table. She has a pen behind her ear and a fake smile plastered over her face. She looks young, probably not older than twenty, might even still be a teenager. "What can I get ya?"</p><p>2D looks up at the young woman in front of him and smiles. She does not look like she wants to be working here at all. 2D feels for her, he had had many awful jobs, when he was around her age. Was never good at them either.</p><p>"Can you get some beers for me and my mate here." He asks.</p><p>"Sure thing." The blonde does not take her time to write anything down, instead she just smiles back at the singer and walks off.</p><p>"Some beers?" Murdoc glances at the small tv screen and takes a long drag from his cigarette. He exhaled his relief in a cloud of purple grey smoke that curled up to the ceiling.</p><p>"Yeah, we can slow down with the booze, 'ave all night..." 2D shifts his body so that his knees are not pressing against the table anymore.</p><p>The blonde walks back to their table and places two glasses and a couple of bottles on the table. "There ya go. Anything else?" The young woman chews her gum with her lips slightly parted and places a hand on her hip.</p><p>"No thanks. We are all good." 2D says.</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head and smiles at the blonde. "Could you be so kind and get us a bottle of rum too?" </p><p>The young woman nods at him, grabs the tray and walks off again.</p><p>2D sighs and puts the brown beer bottle against his lips, taking a few gulps of the cold drink.</p><p>They drink in silence for a while until the blonde places the bottle on the table. 2D thanks her and reminds himself to tip her later.</p><p>"Stu? Do you think that the poor kid could actually be yours?" Murdoc asks.</p><p>"I don't think so..." 2D tries to count the months that he hadn't come home with a bird, on his fingers. "11...maybe."</p><p>"11?" Murdoc frowns and takes a sip of his beer.</p><p>" 'Aven't had sex with a bird,... for 11 months. She just had the kid... So no, not mine."</p><p>Murdoc looks surprised at the singer. "Really, Stu? 11 months?"</p><p>2D nods and looks around the pub, his mind already somewhere else.</p><p>"Why?" Murdoc asks.</p><p>"Huh?" 2D looks up, eyes meeting Murdoc's.</p><p>"Why haven't you slept with anyone for so long? Don't tell me you couldn't find anyone."</p><p>"I dunno... Guess I just was not interested. Was hoping that you and I... y'know..." The singer says, shrugging his shoulders. He had figured out months ago, if not years, that the one night stands with random women did not satisfy his desires. The years where he would pick up any easy bird, were behind him. He was done with it. He wanted to be with someone who knows him, understands him, knows the lifestyle he lives and, well, that person for him was his satanist bandmate.</p><p>"Oh..." Murdoc stays quiet, not knowing what to say to that, and puts the bottle against his lips again. It had taken Murdoc longer to figure that out. Much longer.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had lost my login... soo... Hi, I am back : )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>((TW: slight violence, slight aggression, slight mention of suicidal thoughts, mental illness mentions, slight mention of past rape/non con, past abuse mention and throwing up. Please stop reading if you, at any point, feel uncomfortable. Take care of yourself!))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is dark and foggy outside. All car exhaust and cigarette smoke. No stars visible in the dark, moonless sky. The two men walk in to the small alley way next to the pub they just came from. The filthy air surrounding them is a deep purple, almost ominous, colour. Drunken voices echo through the narrow streets. Glass bottles shatter against the cobbled stones.</p><p>2D looks around the empty alley way, the alcohol giving him more than enough, <em>too much</em>, confidence. <br/>The singer stares at Murdoc's chapped and dry lips, the alcohol making his brain fuzzy. He feels like taking a risk, kissing the bassist in the dirty and ill-lid alley way. Perhaps not be the most romantic place to snog, but just the thought of it makes the blood rush to his cheeks and ears.</p><p>Murdoc doesn't seem to be focused on the blue haired singer, who is smiling down at him, but rather on taking a cigarette from the carton. 2D clumsily takes a step closer to Murdoc, to catch his attention. When this doesn't work, he places his hand against the cold brick wall, next to the bassist's head. 2D observes him quietly. Notices how Murdoc seems to be struggling to light his cigarette, the flame not staying on long enough to be able to light it.</p><p>
  <em>He should just buy a new lighter.</em>
</p><p>Still not getting the reaction he wants, 2D gives the older man a slight push against his shoulders, so that he is pressed against the wall. His makes Murdoc's lighter fall, almost in slow motion, making a sharp and echoey noice when it hits the ground. 2D does not seem to notice the sound and decides to get closer to Murdoc, closing the gap between them.</p><p>Murdoc looks up, confused and startled, the alcohol slowing his reaction down. He feels the wall against his back and notices that he can't move away. He is not sure about where he is or what is happening, so he starts to freak out, trying to move away from the wall.</p><p>2D notices, but is too slow to react. A sharp pain sliced through his cheek, caused by Murdoc's fist landing on his face. He loses his balance and falls down on the hard ground beneath him.</p><p>"Ah, shit!"</p><p>Murdoc looks down, realizing what had just happened, what he had just done. He sees the singer on the cobbled ground, holding his head. He and 2D hadn't fought in years. He hadn't even punched the singer in a while. His body is shaking and eyes are tearing up from shock. He feels frozen, but every part of him wants to leg it.</p><p>The singer slowly gets up from the ground, feeling the thudding in his, now swollen, cheek. The ill-lid alleyway starts to spin, faster and faster and faster. Nausea washes over him, accompanied with the urge to throw up. He tries to find stability and leans his hands against the brick wall, head hanging in between his arms. His stomach clenches in pain, contracting violently.</p><p>Murdoc stares at the singer who has tears and sweat running down his face. He wants to help, but doesn't know how. His brain is foggy, head spinning and he feels uncomfortable guilt in his chest. His throat feels thick, making him unable to speak. <em>This is your fault. You hurt him. Look at what YOU did. Why did you punch him? </em>A little voice in his head starts to tease him, getting louder and louder, until his ears start ringing.</p><p>The singer wipes his face and leans against the wall, slowly moving himself away from the acidic vomit below him. He slides his body down against the wall, once he's moved away from the vomit, hands holding his head.</p><p>Murdoc finally regains power over his body and walks towards where the singer is sitting, tears escaping from his eyes. <em>Why are YOU crying? </em>He lowers himself onto the ground and grabs the singer's face, examining his swollen cheek. <br/>"I'm so sorry Stu..."</p><p>The cheek is bruised, but doesn't seem to be too damaged. There are some small cuts, but nothing too bad.<br/>"Ice... we need ice..."</p><p>The singer looks up with a painful and confused expression on his face. "Ice?"</p><p>"Errr...yea, for your cheek, Dee." Murdoc lifts himself off the ground and wipes the tears from his face. He doesn't want to leave the singer alone in this alley, but knows that if he'd get up he would probably start throwing up again. "Can you...stay here Stu,... I'll get you some ice."</p><p>The singers nods and lets his head fall back into his hands, unable to think clearly, his head hurting too much.</p><p>After some time had passed he opens his eyes, hearing footsteps come near him. He sees a blurry Murdoc crouching down in front of him holding a bag of ice, that he probably got from a bartender.</p><p>He lets Murdoc lift up his head and carefully places the bag on his cheek. 2D hisses, as the cold sensation spreads over his face.</p><p>"Shit Stu,...is this okay?"</p><p>The singer nods and relaxes his body. The ice feels pretty good on his cheek actually, making the pain fade a bit.</p><p>Murdoc holds the ice bag on the singer his cheek for at least 10 minutes, with a concerned look on his face. After 10 minutes he carefully removes the bag and places the bag on the ground. <br/>The swelling had gone down, but the bruises had gotten worse. They are purple, blue and slightly yellow even.</p><p>"Stu... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, uhmm y'know, punch you...really."</p><p>"I know,...I know, it's fine Muds. Really it's fine."</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head. "No, it's not fine,...it's not, look at you."</p><p>2D grabs Murdoc's shoulders softly. "It is,... but I keep freaking you out Muds..."  A sad smile forms on his face. "I don't want to keep scaring you. It hurts my feelings, this time it hurt my face...it hurts you."</p><p>The singer looks him in the eyes, with a serious expression on his bruised face. "We need to work on this, we 'ave to,...if you want to be with me,..."<br/>He stares down at the ground, hands still on the bassist's shoulders.  "In whatever way you want to be with me..." He mumbles softly.</p><p>Murdoc feels terrible, guilty and scared. <em>You hurt him. See, he's too good for you. You're pathetic. </em>The voice in his head gets louder again.</p><p>He nods at the singer, not sure what to say. He realizes that he would do anything for the singer. Anything he would ask of him. Anything to be better, to good enough for him.</p><p><em>Is that what love feels like?</em> </p><p>Murdoc cringes at his own thought. No, that is not what love feels like. Punching the people, the person you love. He knows that by now. But sometimes his old ways of thinking creep back into his brain.</p><p>"I think I'm able to walk now, without throwing up,... we should go home."</p><p>Murdoc stands up and helps the singer up off the ground. He lets younger man hang on him for support for a bit, before they start walking. The walk home is quiet, both men sunken deep into their own thoughts.</p><p>They come home about half an hour later, both knackered and still drunk. 2D was supposed to take his key with him when they went out, but he forgot, so instead he rings the doorbell and wishes that someone is still up.</p><p>Russel is the one who opens the door for the two men. As soon as they step inside, Russel instantly notices 2D his bruised face.  "What happened to your face, Stu?"</p><p>The singer stays quiet, his head works hard on a story to tell him. Any story would do, except for what really happened.</p><p>"It's my fault Russel, I hit him." Murdoc feels uncomfortable, but can tell that the singer doesn't know what to say. "It was an accident, I didn't mean to."</p><p>"You hit him? But you didn't mean to!?" Russel clenches his jaw. "How did that happen man? Did you fall and accidentally place your fist in his face?" His voice is harsh and loud, on the verge of yelling.</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head and takes a few steps away from the drummer, his arms crossed over his chest, towards the stairs. He feels his heart beating in his chest and balls his hands up into a fist. He wants to shout and defend himself, but he doesn't see a reason to.</p><p>
  <em>You hurt Stuart. You deserve to get a punch in the face from Russel. </em>
  <em>Like the good old times.</em>
</p><p>"Russ it was my fault,...I scared him. I'm fine, really. Just leave him alone, please." 2D says, sounding broken and nervous. The only thing that could make this night worse, is if Russel and Murdoc start fighting.</p><p>Murdoc feels himself tear up and hides his face underneath his hair. The singer is standing up for him, defending him, even though he really doesn't need to. He feels vulnerable in front of the drummer, scared to show emotions, to look weak.</p><p>Russel's face heats up and he frowns angrily at Murdoc, annoyed that he doesn't speak up for himself, letting 2D do the explaining.</p><p>"Is that what happened, Murdoc?" The drummer asks, voice still loud.</p><p>The bassist moves his body further away from Russel and runs up the stairs, needing to hide the emotion on his face. Feeling weak and vulnerable. He hates it.</p><p>This angers the drummer even more. <br/>"Give me one reason why I shouldn't chase after him and..."</p><p>"Please don't Russ,...please, it wasn't his fault." The singer begs, stepping in front of him, knowing very well that Russel can push him aside with ease.</p><p>Russel frowns, genuine confusion on his face. "Why are you defending him? He punched you!" His tone sounds harsh and angry.</p><p>They have been together a lot lately, staying in one of their dirty bedrooms together. Leaving it with their necks covered in hickeys and bite marks. Wearing each other's clothes, the clothes looking absolutely ridiculous on them, because of the height difference.</p><p>"Is he your boyfriend or something?"</p><p>2D looks at the drummer, eyes wide open with shock. He doesn't know how to answer those questions, without saying too much. He defends Murdoc because he thinks he knows why he reacted the way he did, and he doesn't know the status of their complicated relationship. Yet.</p><p>Russel looks at the struggling singer in front of him, <em>give him a moment. </em>His anger gets replaced by a feeling of empathy. This is what he was afraid of, 2D letting his guard down, maybe even developing feelings for the satanist, and then getting hurt.</p><p>2D fidgets with his hands and looks up at the ceiling, still not knowing what to say. His mind is racing, thoughts all jumbled up in his broken and drunken brain, trying so hard to find the right words.</p><p>"Stu, man... I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt, or make the wrong decisions for yourself." His tone softens, an empathetic frown on his face. "I don't know what's going on between you two, I don't understand it, but please know that I just want the best for you, man..."</p><p>2D nods, feeling less uncomfortable, now that the drummer's tone has changed.</p><p>"Yeah, I know Russ, I do. But I scared Muds, so he...err... punched me. He went a wee bit mental... I care about him a lot,...I want to fix it, help him get better."</p><p>2D lets his shoulders hang, giving up on finding the right way to voice his many, <em>oh so many</em>, thoughts. His dark eyes are starting to get watery, vision getting blurry.</p><p>"I thought he was getting better, but I don't know how to help him with the things he's...err...dealing with, Russ." The singer admits, it feels good to say this out loud. "I-I need to be alone sometimes... I need space sometimes. But I feel like he needs me... All the time."</p><p>Confusion and pity washes over the drummer. <em>2D is a good guy, doesn't have a bad bone in his body. He doesn't deserve to struggle like this.</em></p><p><em>"</em>Stu, I think that there's a lot going on between you two, that I don't know about. I think you know him best. You'll find a way to help him. There is a limit, you can not give what you do not have. Do not hurt yourself in the process, man. He has put you through enough."</p><p>Russel scratches his head and clears his throat.</p><p>"Do you like him Stu?" He can see 2D's watery eyes and wants to make the conversation more lighthearted. "Got yourself a crush maybe?" He smiles softly at the singer and gives his arm a squeeze.</p><p>2D lets out a soft chuckle, face turning pink. "Err...Yeah, I do Russ, yeah... I fancy him quite a bit."<br/>His voice is so thin, so breakable, that it cracks.</p><p>Russel titters at the hopeless man in front of him. <br/>"I don't get it, but that's cool man. As long as you're happy..." <br/>He genuinely means it, wants the singer to be happy, finally, after all he has had to go through. <em>J</em><em>ust don't get why he had to pick the satanist.</em></p><p>"Yeah, I mean, I am...just not right now." The singer points at his bruised cheek and smiles uncomfortably.</p><p>"Yeah, I get that, but if you know the reason Stu,... then I guess you two could work on it. You know how I feel about Murdoc, but it's not my place to judge." Russel scratches his head and places his hand on the singers shoulder. "Does he...err... like you back?" He feels like a teenager, asking him this, but he knows that the singer probably appreciates this talk. Knows that 2D doesn't have many people to talk to.</p><p>"Yeah,...he told me he loves me Russ,...but I'm not sure what we are now. Maybe it is good not to have a label?" 2D feels his lips tug upwards, remembering that night at the park.</p><p><em>The satanist said he loves Stu? </em>Russel is surprised by this information. He had never heard the the old man talk about loving someone. He feels relieved, seeing the singer's soft smile on his bruised face.</p><p>"I'm sure you two will figure it out man. You always have had a weird bond, you two,... I'm here for you if you ever need to talk, Stu."</p><p>2D nods and smiles widely at the drummer.<br/>"Thanks Russ, for not punching Murdoc, and for listening."</p><p>Russel laughs and pulls the singer into a hug. "Of course Stuart, now go check on your boyfriend." He says with a playful smirk on his face.</p><p>2D nods, face red, as he pulls back from the hug, and walks up the stairs. <em>Boyfriend...</em></p><p>"I can still punch him if you want me to!" Russel yells after him, making the singer giggle and shake his head at himself. He knows Russel totally would. It would not be the first time.</p><p>He walks into the bassist's room after giving the door a quick knock. Murdoc is sitting in the corner of his dark bedroom, cigarette in one hand, a bottle of booze in the other. His head hangs down, chin pressing against his chest. The bassist is mumbling to himself and his body is shaking against the wall. He doesn't notice the singer walking up to him, as he is living completely in his own world. An unpleasant, nightmarish world, that is.</p><p>2D sits down in front of the bassist, trying to make eye contact with him. Snap him out of his own world.</p><p>"Muds...are you okay?"</p><p>Murdoc looks up at the singer, his pupils look huge and the rest of his eyes are red. He looks completely out of it. In moments where Murdoc loses it completely and acts mental, 2D gets reminded of their time on Plastic Beach. Just thinking about it, makes shivers go down the singer his spine. That was horrible. Murdoc had been all by himself for a while, and had gone completely mental, talking to himself and hallucinating.  Rapid cycling between mania and depression. Always drunk and angry at himself. Hurting himself. Hurting 2D. <br/>Every horrible flashback Murdoc had, made him scarier and less present. 2D had felt awful, suicidal even, in his nightmarish underwater prison.</p><p>2D shakes away the nauseating thoughts, the spine-chilling memories.</p><p>It takes a moment for Murdoc to respond to the question with something other than weird noices and grunts.</p><p>"Stuuu... I punched you, and...here you are, asking me, if I'm okay?" He slurs his words and moves his hand around, to try to help the words get out of his mouth.</p><p>"Yea Muds...I feel fine now, I swear. You on the other hand,...don't seem to be doing so well..."</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head and takes a gulp of booze from the bottle. The rum calming him down a bit. <em>It always has.</em></p><p>"I'm fineee Stu..." He hiccups and forces a smile.</p><p>"If you say so, Muds." The singer does not feel like arguing and fighting. His head still hurts and his mind still feels fuzzy, fuzzier than normal. "Err... Lets get you into bed okay?"</p><p>Murdoc ignores this question and grabs the singers hand. "Are you mad at me...?" His voice sounds unlike him, high pitched and thin, in a way that makes your arm hairs stand up.</p><p>"No,...but we should talk about what happened. Tomorrow. When we're both sobered up." He tries to sound serious, unbothered by the state Murdoc is in, but his voice cracks betray him.</p><p>Murdoc nods and presses his cigarette bud on the wooden floor beneath him. The words that the singer spoke to him, aren't really processing.</p><p>"Muds, lets get you into bed now." The singer won't let Murdoc ignore him a second time. He lifts him off the ground with ease, helping him on top of the bed.</p><p>Murdoc sits down on the bed, holding onto 2D for support and grunts. "Why are you helping me? I-I...hurt you...and you're helping me! Me!"</p><p>"Yeah well, I don't want you sleeping on the floor, Muds. That's it. Now go to bed okay?" </p><p>He pushes the bassist off him and takes a step back. He needs space and distance between them. But he also needs to stay and take care of Murdoc. His chest feels heavy and his head hurts.</p><p>"Aren't you gonna stay with me?" Murdoc looks at 2D, eyes huge and almost <em>scared? </em></p><p>2D seems conflicted and thinks back at the conversation he had had earlier with Russel. He slowly shakes his head.</p><p>Murdoc nods and forces a smile. "Yeah, I get it." He brushes his hair out of his face.</p><p>2D expected Murdoc to ask him again, to grab his hand and pull him in. But, he doesn't.</p><p>The singer fidgets with his fingers and kicks off his shoes. He remembers what he had promised his bandmate.</p><p>"Stu... what are you doing?"</p><p>"I'm staying with you, alright?" 2D mumbles.</p><p>Murdoc nods. "Yeah..."</p><p>2D gets closer to his bandmate and helps get out off some of his clothes, but stops when Murdoc seems to get uncomfortable. He then takes his own clothes off and puts it in a pile on the floor.</p><p>"Stuu...you don't have to stay y'know,...I get it,...errr...y'know, if you want to leave." Murdoc feels bad for hurting the singer, having him take care of him and then making him stay with him.</p><p>"It's okay Muds, really. Don't worry." The singer has a soft empathetic smile on his face and grabs the bassist's hand. "I'll stay here." He gives Murdoc a gentle kiss on his forehead and lays down on the bed.<br/>"Good night Muds."</p><p>"Yeah,...good night Stu." <em>He is staying with him.</em></p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>They had both fallen asleep uncomfortably, on opposite sides of the bed. It is windy outside, rain ticking softly against the window.</p><p>They wake up early in the afternoon. 2D before Murdoc. He had gone back to his own bedroom to take some painkillers and shower. He then went back to Murdoc his bedroom, and sat down in the bed again.</p><p>The singer is on his phone, the light from the screen lighting up his bruised face, when Murdoc finally wakes up.</p><p>Murdoc groans as he opens his heavy-lidded eyes. The curtains are still closed, keeping the soft sunlight away from the his painful eyes. The dark bedroom looks like it could be from a scene in a black and white film. There is smoke coming from the singer his cigarette, curling up to the dusty ceiling.</p><p>
  <em>Stuart is still here. Did not leave me by myself.</em>
</p><p>Murdoc can feel his body trying to bring itself back into balance, after what he had put it through the night before. His limbs ache and his head feels heavy, almost too heavy to lift up from the pillow.</p><p>2D looks over at the bassist with a worried frown on his face. "Ey Muds, sleep well?"</p><p>Murdoc places his hands over his damp face and grunts as a response. He forces his sore body up, whilst biting his lip, trying to stay quiet to prove to himself that he is not weak.</p><p>"Yeah, that is what I thought..." The singer puts his phone down on the side table next to the bed.</p><p>Murdoc removes his hands from his face and looks over at the singer with a painful smile covering his face. He then notices 2D his bruised cheek and is reminded of last night. The smile fades from his face as he quietly observes the singer.</p><p>If he would have been the one, bruised by the singer his fist, he wouldn't have mind it. Would have wanted the singer to hurt him more, give him exactly that what he deserves. Would have enjoyed the physical pain. Would have enjoyed the adrenalin. It could have aroused him. But seeing 2D like that, bruised up and probably in pain, made him feel sick to his stomach, made him want to throw up. Seeing the singer in pain, pain that he had caused, always had made him feel sick, but it was never something a good bottle of rum could not fix.</p><p>"Shit Dee,...your cheek. I did that, ey..." He sits up next to the singer, forgetting about his heavy and painful head for a moment, whilst he studies his cheek. "Does it hurt?"</p><p>2D shakes his head and leans against Murdoc. "Nope...it doesn't."</p><p>
  <em>Lovely, oh so lovely, painkillers. </em>
</p><p>He tilts his head to the side and looks into the bassist his eyes.<br/>"We need to talk about what happened."</p><p>Murdoc rubs his hands together nervously, produces some odd noices and nods.</p><p>"You scared me Muds..." 2D feels uneasy opening up, but keeps going. "You punched me, and I thought you were, err... really mad at me for whatever reason." The singer pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. "I was expecting another hit in my face...and another one. I didn't know if I could trust you. Every time you push me away, I get scared, not only for your wellbeing..., but for mine too." The singer then quietly continues. "The way you looked yesterday, when you were sitting on the floor, ...it reminded me of Plastic Beach..." 2D points to the corner of the room, where Murdoc had been shaking against the wall, not too long ago.</p><p><em>Plastic Beach.</em> It hurts Murdoc to hear those words. Murdoc had tried to block out most of the memories he had of the time he had spend on Plastic Beach. It was probably the time in his life where his mental health was the worst it had ever been. He hadn't just taken it out on himself, but on the singer too. <em>Poor guy. He didn't deserve it. </em>It's the thing he regrets the most, probably in his whole life.</p><p>"I didn't want to hit you Stu...really I didn't."</p><p>Mudoc feels himself getting choked up, wishes he had a bottle of rum to wash away the sadness and the heavy feeling of guilt, like he often did. Instead, he grabs a cigarette and lights it.</p><p>"I wish I could take everything that happened on Plastic Beach back...y'know...I went mental there...errr, fuckin' treated you like shit there..." <br/>Murdoc fidgets with his lips and picks off some skin.</p><p>"Yeah, I know...Muds, I do too."</p><p>"I'm not all here right now, y'know, my head is all fuzzy, I'm a bit...err...drowsy,... to be honest with you, mate." Murdoc admits.</p><p>2D nods his head and stays quiet for a moment.</p><p>"How did we, uuh... how did you,...the other night we, err...shagged." The singer stammers, not making much sense.</p><p>"Yeah Stu?" Murdoc feels confused. <em>What is he trying to say?</em></p><p>"You were quite sober... we didn't rush. You didn't freak out, did you? How did you...err...not?"</p><p>Murdoc scratches his head and exhales loudly. "I did for a moment..., but I reminded myself that it was you. Could see you quite well, with the light turned on. That was nice...,y'know, since you are not bad to look at." He winks at the singer, trying to release some tension, causing 2D to let out a soft chuckle.</p><p>Murdoc takes a drag from the cigarette in his hand, inhaling the toxins into his body, welcoming the nicotine. "It was nice Stu, y'know, ...safe, I guess. I trust you, really I do. But I can't control when I do or don't freak out..."</p><p>"And in the alley way?"</p><p>"I couldn't see that it was you...When I'm very drunk, and a bit mental maybe, I sometimes think that I am somewhere else. Somewhere not so nice. Maybe at my childhood home, in front of my dad, waiting for a good bop on the head... Or, err... I am in prison...and it is one of those nights, y'know." He has a sad look in his eyes, but forces a smile. "I guess what I am trying to say, is that my head wasn't there where you were, Stu..."</p><p>2D feels horrible that Murdoc has to deal with this, that his own brain plays games with him. He almost forgets that he often had fallen victim to Murdoc his brain too.<br/>"What would you like me to do, Muds. In those moments, where you are not...present?"</p><p>Murdoc stares at the singer his face, his bruised cheek, his black eyes and his chapped lips.<br/>"I dunno, mate..." <br/>He tries to think, but his thoughts feel like a thick and sticky syrup, and he is not able to squeeze it out of the bottle. He presses his cigarette bud down on the table next to the bed, and picks at his broken lips again.<br/>"But I want to make it up to you. Didn't wanna hurt you, y'know. Hopefully you can find it in your heart to trust me again,..." <em>If you ever even trusted me at all.</em></p><p>2D grabs Murdoc his hands, consciously pulling them away from his bloody lips and squeezes them. "We need to work on that, Muds. On trusting each other. I don't want to leave you, I promised you I wouldn't, but..." 2D slowly lets go of the bassist his hands. "I really do think it would be good of we spend some time apart."</p><p>He notices the sad look on Murdoc his face, his head is hanging down, making him look defeated.</p><p>"Time apart?" Murdoc slowly lifts his head up to look into the singer his dark eyes.</p><p>"Yeah, just for a little while. I think I might go to my mum and dad for a bit. 'Aven't seen them in a while." 2D looks down at his hands and pushes his cuticles back, not knowing what else to do.</p><p>Murdoc nods. All the pain he had felt in his body when he woke up, suddenly felt 100 times worse.</p><p>"I'll be back before you even notice I'm gone." 2D smiles with his eyes and puts his hand on the bassist his shoulder. "I just need to think."</p><p>Whenever things got really hard, or too serious for his liking, 2D had just moved on. Left the situation. Found a distraction and focused on that completely. Murdoc had called him many names for it in the past, and not particularly nice ones. <br/>He had started many romantic relationships, that he had just abandoned. He had stopped calling, stopped texting, stopped caring. But everytime he had left the band, something, <em>no someone,</em> had pulled him back. Quite literally pulled him back sometimes. 2D knew that he wanted to be pulled back, for whatever reason. He needed to be pulled back.</p><p>"Yeah, I get it. I understand, Stu. I haven't been easy to deal with." Murdoc tried hard to cover the hurt in his voice.</p><p>"Please don't see this as me running away from you." 2D says. He is unsure how else Murdoc should see it.</p><p>The bassist forces a smile and straightens his back. "No, it is fine Stu. I will be fine." He grabs a cigarette and lights it. His whole demeanor seemed to have changed.</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"I have taken care of myself for decades, Dents." Murdoc shrugs his shoulders and leans back.</p><p>"Yeah, I guess you have." 2D mumbles.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2D had left, to go to his parents, later that day. Russel had driven him to the train station. He and Murdoc hadn't spoken a lot before he left. He came into Murdoc his room after he had packed his bags, to say goodbye. Murdoc had tried to give him a hug, but 2D had pulled him in for a kiss. When Murdoc asked him when he would be back, he had given him a vague answer.</p><p>Murdoc had spent the day writing down his thoughts in the hope of it sounding good enough, to be used for a future song. He would definitely lie, and tell 2D that it is not about him.</p><p>At night he had tossed and turned in his bed. He had gotten so used to sleeping next to the blue haired singer, that sleeping without him seemed impossible. 2D saying all the weird things he thought about, out loud, could always make him doze off with ease. After hours of trying to fall asleep, he gives up, and decides to go downstairs.</p><p>He grabs some pants and a sweater and puts it on. <em>Might as well take a jacket, in case I want to go for a walk. </em></p><p>He walks into the kitchen and grabs some beers out of the fridge. Murdoc really hopes that Russel doesn't come downstairs, now that 2D isn't here to protect him from getting into a fight.</p><p>He walks into the living room, holding the cold cans of beer in his hands, not expecting to see anyone else there. He is surprised to hear a soft snoring coming from the couch. The tv is still turned on, on some crime documentary. He walks towards the couch and sees Noodle laying on her side, fast asleep.</p><p>He smiles softly at the sight of the young woman curled up on the couch. She is wearing a hoodie and some shorts.</p><p>
  <em>She might be cold. </em>
</p><p>He places the cans of beer on top of the coffee table and takes his jacket off. He then carefully places it on top of her.</p><p>
  <em>There, that is better.</em>
</p><p>He walks over to the chair next to the couch timidly, not to make any noise that could wake Noodle up, and sits down.</p><p>Somebody is getting stabbed, with dramatic music playing in the background, in the documentary that is still playing on the tv. Murdoc frowns at the screen and reaches for the remote. He silences the tv and turns the subtitles on. <br/><em>Might as well give it a try, it knocked Noodle out.</em><br/>He leans back into the chair and opens up a beer.</p><p>Murdoc tries to distract his mind from his own thoughts, by trying to focus all of his attention on the documentary. From his understanding, someone cheated on someone else, and that made that person go mad and go on a stabbing spree. <br/><em>A bit of a dramatic reaction.</em></p><p>He takes a sip of the cold fizzing drink in his hand and places his feet up on the table. His boots make a loud noise on the wood, waking Noodle up abruptly. She sits up and checks the room for what could have caused the loud noise, that woke her up.</p><p>"Shit, did I wake ya, kid?"</p><p>"Oh, it is just you." She looks over at him and frowns. "Having trouble sleeping?"</p><p>Murdoc nods. "Yeah, I thought I would watch some of this documentary that made you fall asleep, but it is hard to relax because of all the stabbing, y'know."</p><p>"I thought it was quite relaxing, actually." Noodle chuckles and looks at Murdoc his jacket in her lap. "Thanks." She says softly, pulling the jacket over her bare legs.</p><p>"Oh yeah, no worries kid."</p><p>"Is it because of Dee going to his parents?" Noodle asks. "He texted me."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"That you can't sleep."</p><p><em>How does she always just know? </em><br/>"Yeah, I think so." Murdoc answers.</p><p>Noodle nods and plays with the zipper from Murdoc his jacket. She stays quiet and waits for him to continue talking.</p><p>Murdoc takes a few sips from his beer and clears his throat. "He left because of me."</p><p>"Oh..."</p><p>"Yeah." Murdoc contemplates ending the conversation and leaving the room, but for some reason he doesn't and continues talking.<br/>"I punched him in the face. I didn't mean to." He sighs and looks away from Noodle. "Not that that matters."</p><p>Noodle looks down at the jacket that smells of cigarettes and stale booze. "How? I mean how did you accidentally punch him?"</p><p>Her questions remind Murdoc of Russel, but her tone is much nicer and quieter. Her calm demeanor makes him less afraid to let his guards down, just a little bit.</p><p>"I was pretty fucked up and he scared me. So... I punched him."</p><p>Noodle smiles at the older man. "Tootchie scared you? Have you seen him?"</p><p>"Yeah, he did okay? He fucking scared me." Murdoc notices his harsh tone and Noodle her worried face. <br/><em>Shit, I should not yell at her. </em><br/>"I thought he was someone else, wasn't thinking straight." He says quietly.</p><p>"Someone who hurt you?" Noodle asks, her voice still calm.</p><p>"Noodle, you are not my fucking shrink." Murdoc places a cigarette in between his lips.</p><p>Noodle laughs and shrugs. She holds her hand out to Murdoc.</p><p>Murdoc chuckles and hands her a cigarette. He hates seeing her smoke, but she is an adult, capable of making her own decisions, even when they are not great for her.</p><p>"Yeah, someone who hurt me." Murdoc says. "Could you grab my lighter for me, love? It is in the pocket of my jacket."</p><p>Noodle nods and zips open the pocket. She recognizes the lighter and holds it in her hand whilst smiling down at it. <br/><em>I can't believe he still has it.</em><br/>She had given Murdoc the lighter as a birthday gift, years ago. Back when she was in her early teens. She had purchased it with her own money, after she heard Murdoc cursing about how he had lost his lighter. He had probably refilled it a couple of times over the years, judging by the scratches on it. <br/>She lights her own cigarette and then hands it over to Murdoc.</p><p>"Thanks, love." Murdoc says.</p><p>"I am sure that Dee understands. He is not the type to stay angry." Noodle covers her legs again with the jacket.</p><p>"Well, I told him. He knows I didn't mean to. Yet he still left." Murdoc takes a long drag from his cigarette and stares at the tv. <br/>The woman who stabbed her husband, and a bunch of other people, is sobbing hysterically. <br/><em>Kinda your own fault, crazy.</em></p><p>"He didn't seem to be angry when he texted me. Maybe you should just call him and tell him that you respect his decision to take some time for himself, and that you will be here, waiting for him, until he comes back." Noodle says.</p><p>"That doesn't sound like something I would say." Murdoc lets out a chuckle. "But I guess I could try that."</p><p>Noodle taps some ashes from the cigarette into the empty beer can, not wanting to get up to get an ashtray. "What is going on with you two anyways?" She asks.</p><p>Murdoc laughs. "I have already told you enough kid."</p><p>"You haven't told me anything, weirdo. We live together and yet you are often a mystery to me." She frowns. "You guys are the closest I have to family..." Noodle stares at the jacket again. "You can tell me stuff y'know."</p><p>"I know, Noods." <br/>Murdoc stares at the smoke coming from his cigarette. His eyes follow the route it takes throughout the dim room, until it disappears into the ceiling.<br/>"I like him. Quite a lot." He blushes and drags his hand through his hair.</p><p>A wide smile spreads across Noodle her face. "Yes, I knew it!"</p><p>Murdoc laughs at her as he throws the lighter into her lap.</p><p>"So is he y'know... your boyfriend?" Noodle asks, ignoring the lighter completely. Her eyes have a playful twinkle in them.</p><p>"Err... I dunno, haven't really put a label on it. Yet. Might be because I am scared to do so. It makes it feel real. And when you are in a relationship, it can end." Murdoc says.</p><p>"I do agree, with you know, the labeling thing, I don't like it very much either, however you and Dee have known eachother for years. Have had many bad moments too, and yet you are still living here, in the same house. I don't think you should be scared to label what you two have." Noodle puts the lighter back into the pocket of the jacket. "If that is also something that Tootchie wants ofcourse."</p><p>Murdoc nods. "Yeah, I guess you are right. If you weren't an amazing guitar player, maybe you could've been a good shrink." He laughs and puts his burned out cigarette into the empty beer bottle. "I might actually go and get some help for all my issues, if I had sessions with someone like you."</p><p>"Thanks!" Noodle smirks at Murdoc. "You should still get some help though."</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head. "There are many reason why I don't want to, but that is a story for another day."</p><p>Noodle tilts her head slightly and nods. "I guess you have told me a lot already." A playful smile makes the slight crowsfeet around her eyes visible.</p><p>"Oh shut up kid." Murdoc stands up from the chair and sits down next to Noodle. He awkwardly leans in and gives her a hug. "Thanks for listening."</p><p>"Yeah, sure." Noodle her head is pressed up against his chest. "We should do more stuff together."</p><p>"We should." He lets go of Noodle and stands up off the couch. "You should go to bed and try to get some sleep, Noods."</p><p>"Nah, I think I am going to finish watching this series." She replies with a smirk on her face.</p><p>"It is a series? How many people does she stab!?" He shakes his head in confusion, making Noodle laugh.</p><p>"Well, okay. You can give me the jacket back tomorrow then, I am going to try to knock myself out." Murdoc says.</p><p>"Goodnight, love."</p><p>"Goodnight Muds." Noodle grabs the remote and turns up the volume.<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's a bit different, but I love exploring Murdoc and Noodle's relationship. I don't think that they interact nearly enough! I really wanted to give them some father - daughter bonding time (he he totally not to fill a void in my own life)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope that this long chapter makes up for my disappearance he he.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Murdoc stumbles into his dim bedroom and lets himself fall on top of his bed. He grabs his phone and checks his messages.</p><p>
  <em>Nothing. </em>
</p><p>He sighs and clicks on the singer his phone number. His finger hovers over the call button for a moment before he throws his phone onto the other side of his bed. <em>He left you and didn't even bother to text you. He doesn't care. </em></p><p>"Fuck him."</p><p>He sits up and grabs his phone again. He unlocks the screen and stares at 2D his phone number. He scoffs at himself and presses the call button. Knowing 2D, he will probably still be awake at this ungodly hour.</p><p>Murdoc fumbles with his t-shirt as he spaces out a bit, waiting for the singer to pick up his phone.</p><p>"Ello?" 2D's voice sounds soft and confused.</p><p>"Euhm, hey Stu." Murdoc feels stupid, not knowing what to say.</p><p>2D stays quiet and Murdoc can feel his discomfort over the phone.</p><p>"Thought I'd call you. Just to see if you were doing okay." Murdoc says.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Yeah..."</p><p>"Uhm, yeah, I'm doing okay. Just here with my parents, y'know." 2D says.</p><p>Murdoc digs his nails into his palm. <em>Why does talking to him feel so weird. </em><br/>"That's good, that's good."</p><p>"How have you been doing?" 2D asks.</p><p>"I'm okay too..." Murdoc presses his nails even deeper into his hand. He doesn't notice the blood in his palm.</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"Do you know when you're coming back home?" Murdoc asks hesitantly.<br/>Should he use practice as an excuse? They hadn't been making a lot of music lately, but maybe that would make 2D want to come home faster?</p><p>"I, euhm, I'm not sure Muds."</p><p>It stays quiet for a little while, but it seems like hours of uncomfortable silence.</p><p>"My parents are worried about me, y'know. I showed up with bruises on my face and I think that they know that I take a bit too many painkillers." 2D says.</p><p>"Satan. How are your bruises?"</p><p>"Purple, green and yellow. But not painful luckily. It's really not that bad, but my parents get worried easily."</p><p>Murdoc sighs loudly. He can't blame them for worrying. <em>After everything.</em></p><p>2D continues talking. "Murdoc... I want to come back, but I really do want you to get help. I know that we talked about trusting each other, but I don't think I can trust you if you aren't working on yourself. You don't have to be perfect, I don't expect you to -"</p><p>Murdoc can vaguely hear 2D his voice. It fades into the background as he feels sadness press down onto his chest. He quickly gets mad at himself for feeling sad and the sadness gets replaced by anger. A lot of anger.</p><p>"- But I do want you to seek help, go to therapy. I am also helping my dad out. He is trying to sell his car, and it needs to get fixed up."</p><p>Murdoc wipes his bloody hand on his jeans and tries to calm himself down.</p><p>"Stu, I'll talk to you later okay? My battery is dying." Murdoc says. <em>Liar.</em></p><p>"Oh. Uhm, sure we'll talk later. Goodnight."</p><p>Murdoc doesn't say anything back and hangs up the phone. He throws the phone onto his bedside table and grabs a cigarette.</p><p>
  <em>I don't</em>
  <em> think I can trust you if you aren't working on yourself. </em>
</p><p>He places the cigarette inbetween his teeth and lights it.</p><p>
  <em>Work on myself? What the fuck does he know about working on yourself. </em>
</p><p>"Fuck." He takes a deep drag from his cigarette and blows out a cloud of grey smoke. He wishes the anger would fade, but it doesn't seem like that will happen soon.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking wanker thinks he knows everything with that messed up fucking brain of his. </em>
</p><p>He takes another drag and kicks off his boots. His free hand fumbles with the zipper on his jeans.</p><p>
  <em>He doesn't know what it takes for me not to crack his fucking skull open. To stay calm when anger tries to take over. </em>
</p><p>Murdoc pulls his jeans down a bit and slides his hand under the elastic waistband from his underwear.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck him with his messy blue hair and his-</em>
</p><p>He moans softly as he wraps his hand around his cock.</p><p>
  <em>What does he know.</em>
</p><p>He hadn’t noticed he had begun to stroke himself but he did notice he sped up.<br/>He tries to pull his mind away from the singer. Away from the mental images he has of him. Forever stored in his brain. Eventually he just accepts that that is all that he can think about.</p><p>He thinks about the singer his slender piano fingers that look so beautiful around his cock and about how touching his sensitive pink nipples makes the needy younger man moan out his name. Just thinking about how whiny his voice sounds when he's moaning drives Murdoc crazy.</p><p>Murdoc feels his palm getting sweaty around his erection and curses under his breath whilst keeping his cigarette inbetween his teeth.</p><p>He thinks about how easy the singer his pale skin bruises and how magnificent bruises, hickeys and bitemarks look on him.</p><p>Murdoc feels his thick black hair sticking to his forehead. He takes a drag from his cigarette and places it in his ashtray. He closes his eyes and visualizes 2D his body in his head, like he had done so many times before. He used to feel guilty for doing so, but that was because he had only ever seen him completely naked when he had to bathe him, <em>back in the day</em>. Now he had new images to work with.</p><p>His hand moves up and down his cock faster and faster. He needs to cum fast, release his anger. Knock himself out.</p><p>He pushes his damp hair away from his face and moves his hand from his hair to his neck. His fingers press down to his throat and he lets his head fall back against his wall. He presses down harder, enjoying the lightheadedness, making it harder for him to think. The room starts to spin and Murdoc feels like passing out. His long nails dig into the thin skin on his neck, leaving red marks and bruises.</p><p>He feels himself getting closer to an orgasm and doesn't even notice how he has been moaning the singer his name.</p><p>"Stu!"</p><p>His legs cramp up as his cum soaks a large stain in his underwear and jeans. The bassist curses under his breath and rides his orgasm out, his hand tightening around his neck. He wants to feel the pain take over, he knows that he deserves it.</p><p>Murdoc his cheeks are flushed red as he finally releases his throat from his tight grip. He takes a deep shaky breath and wipes his hands on his jeans.</p><p>With his last little bit of energy, he manages to kick his jeans off and pull his blanket on top of himself. He'll clean himself tomorrow.</p><p>The next day he wakes up to a few messages from the singer. The brightness from his phone screen makes his head spin. He clicks on the notification that had popped up on the screen.</p><p>Noodle had taught him how to use his phone, since technology was something he didn't quite understand. She hadn't shown him how to use the features without mocking him for not knowing how it worked.</p><p>He squeezes his eyes to be able to read the messages.</p><p>
  <em>hey I hope I didn't say anything that upset you. I'm sorry if I have. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>try to get some sleep. goodnight </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Murdoc sighs and puts the phone down next to him. He isn't sure what to respond and if he should even respond at all.</em>
</p><p>He takes a shower before going downstairs, where he sees Noodle sitting on the couch playing a game on her nintendo.</p><p>"Morning Noods."</p><p>"Hey good morning!" Noodle says, without looking up from her nintendo.</p><p>Murdoc grabs a can of beer from the fridge before sitting down next to his bandmate.</p><p>"You winning kid?"</p><p>"Duh, always."</p><p>Murdoc lights a cigarette and unlocks his phone screen. He looks at the messages that 2D had sent him.</p><p>
  <em>hey I hope I didn't say anything that upset you. I'm sorry if I have. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>try to get some sleep. goodnight</em>
</p><p>He groans and turns his phone screen off again.</p><p>"Have you talked to Tootchie yet?" Noodle asks, still not looking up from her game.</p><p>"Uhm yea. I called him last night."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"And nothing."</p><p>Noodle sighs and pauses her game. Having to pull answers out of Murdoc was something that she had gotten used to by now. "Alright, what happened?"</p><p>"Well, he isn't coming home anytime soon." Murdoc tries to sound unbothered and nonchalant.</p><p>Noodle puts her nintendo down on the coffee table. "Oh."</p><p>"Yeah. It's all good. He can have his alone time, and so can I. I have plenty of things to do. Like... for example..." <br/>Murdoc takes a long drag from his cigarette as he looks up at the ceiling, seemingly deep in thought. <br/>"Well, there's too much to choose from, plenty."</p><p>Noodle shakes her head at her older band member. "I am sure you do." She tucks her hair behind her ears and sits up from her slouching position. "You want to pick him up from his parents don't you?"</p><p>"What? No. I can live without him for a bit." Murdoc frowns angrily at Noodle.</p><p>Noodle chuckles. "Yeah, okay. But we need him in the band. So, maybe you should pick him up soon. We have a show in a month and we need him for that."</p><p>Murdoc groans. <em>Shit the show. </em>He had totally forgotten about that, but he isn't going to tell Noodle that.</p><p>"So, that would be a good excuse for you to use, when you drag him out of his parents house sooner or later. Because we both know that that is what you want to do." She playfully winks at Murdoc and picks her nintendo up from the table.</p><p>Murdoc shakes his head. "Yes, I will tell him that, and it wouldn't be an excuse. Because I'm fine without him, kid. "</p><p>"Mhm, sure." Noodle is already over the conversation and flips her nintendo open.</p><p>"He shouldn't be fucking <em>thinking </em>at his parents house, he should be practicing in the studio all day. He is lucky that I'm not dragging him into the studio by his hair and locking him up, so that he can't leave <em>again.</em>" Murdoc says, sounding angry.</p><p>Noodle tilts her head up and looks Murdoc into his mismatched eyes. He can't help but feel intimidated by her. She has her jaw clenched and a serious look on her face. He knows that she could kick his ass, and that she wouldn't hesitate to do so.</p><p>Murdoc can feel her stare and uncomfortably grins. "I won't do that, Noodle."</p><p>"No, you won't."</p><p>"I got shit to do." Murdoc stands up from the couch and walks out off the house, angrily mumbling to himself.</p><p>Noodle reaches for her phone and texts the singer.</p><p>
  <em>Hey D. Just reminding you that we have a show in a month. Maybe we should practice? Hugs.</em>
</p><p>She sighs and puts her phone down on the couch. <em>Always fixing things for these grown men.</em></p><p>Murdoc spends his day on the studio floor. His head hurts from all the anger he has been feeling. He laughs at how pathetic he thinks he is being. <em>Have you really gotten that soft, that anger is making your head hurt, or are you just too sober?</em></p><p>Around him, on the floor, are empty bottles and cans, burned out cigarette buds and crumbled pieces of paper.</p><p>His breathing start to slow down and his eyes close. The thudding of his heart seemed to drop.</p><p>
  <em>Dzzzzz dzzzzz</em>
</p><p>Murdoc opens his eyes a bit, when he hears a sound he can't quite place. His head is foggy and he tries to sit up. Knocking over a glass bottle. <em>Thank satan it's empty. </em></p><p>
  <em>Dzzzzz dzzzzz</em>
</p><p>Palms on the floor keeping his body up, he looks around the room. <em>Aah! It's my sodding phone.</em></p><p>The phone vibrates on the wooden floor, the sound it makes echoes in the room.</p><p>Murdoc grabs his phone whilst trying not to fall over, only having one hand to keep his body up now. He picks up the phone without checking who it is, who's calling him. <em>Why is that phone screen always so bright.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Uhm ello?"</em>
</p><p>"Oh, Dents." He instantly recognizes the singer his voice.</p><p>"Yeah... Noodle texted me about the show coming up."</p><p>"Aah, she did, didn't she." Murdoc says, slurring his words.</p><p>"Yeah. Said we should practice."</p><p>"Mmm yeah." Murdoc his arm shakes and so he just lets his body crash down onto the floor.</p><p>"I wasn't planning on coming home yet. But, uhm, yeah. Would you mind picking me up?"</p><p>Murdoc grunts and lets out some weird noises. He can see the lamp on the ceiling spinning around and tries to follow it with his gaze. It makes him slightly nauseous, but he can't look away for some reason.</p><p>"Muds?"</p><p>"Oh mmm, yeah."</p><p>"So you'll pick me up then?" 2D asks to make sure.</p><p>"Yeah yeah. I will be your taxi driver. At your service mmm." Murdoc chuckles, amused at himself.</p><p>"Uhm, yeah. Cool. Thanks."</p><p>"I can pick you up tomorrow. In the evening. Mmm something like that. Have some stuff I need to do first, y'know."</p><p>"Yeah, totally. Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"</p><p>"Yesss. Tomorrow. See you then, Stu."</p><p>Murdoc hangs up his phone and places it down onto the floor again. <em>Might just sleep on the floor. </em>He really doesn't feel like getting up, and he probably isn't even able to. <br/><br/><br/></p><p>Murdoc doesn't wake up the next day, until Russel slams the door of the studio open, late in the afternoon.</p><p>Murdoc sits up abruptly and instantly feels the hangover toying with his head.</p><p>"What the hell are you being so loud for!"</p><p>Russel looks down at the bassist who is sitting on the floor.</p><p>"What are you doing on the floor?" Russel asks.</p><p>"Fell asleep."</p><p>"You smell of death, man."</p><p>Murdoc groans and grabs his head with both of his hands. "Yeah. Whatever."</p><p>Russel looks around the room clearly annoyed at the state it is in. He gives an empty can a soft kick. "You're cleaning this shit up Murdoc."</p><p>"Mmm, yeah. Can you quiet your voice down a bit. My brain feels like it's on fire, y'know."</p><p>"No. Get up off the ground." Russel couldn't care less about how the satanist is doing.</p><p>"Asshole. What time is it?"</p><p>"Around 4 I think." Russel ignores the insult, walks over to his drums and sits down. "Now get up. I'm about to get much louder."</p><p>Murdoc groans and lifts his body off the floor. "Fine. Don't forget who made you famous." He mumbles some angry words under his breath before stumbling out of the room.</p><p>"Close the door!" Russel yells. He gets up with an irritated sigh, when Murdoc doesn't come back to close the door, and slams the door shut.</p><p>Murdoc gets ready and pops a few pills to calm his headache down. He collects some of his stuff and throws it in his bag. The battery of his phone is almost empty, so he stuffs his charger in the bag too.</p><p>He gets into his car, turns on the radio and starts driving. Good thing he knows where 2D his folks live, because his remaining phone battery wouldn't be able to last him very long.</p><p>After a while of driving at top speed, he recognises the street where 2D used to live. And then, the house where they used to hangout together. <em>Aah sweet memories.</em></p><p>Murdoc doesn't feel like getting out and seeing the singer his parents. Not just because he doesn't feel like getting up, but also because he knows that they hate him. Especially 2D his old man.</p><p>Murdoc pushes the car horn for a good minute. <em>Just to make sure he knows he's here. </em></p><p>After a few minutes of waiting he gets out of the car. The blue haired singer stumbles out of the house, holding some bags.</p><p>"Hey Murdoc. You don't want to come in I assume?" 2D says.</p><p>"No way in hell. You're dad would kill me if he got the chance." Murdoc lights his cigarette and watches the blue haired man struggle to carry his bags to the car. <em>Still mad. Am not going to help him.</em></p><p>It takes the singer a while to get his bags into the trunk of the car. He looks awfully tired, the bags under his eyes look even darker than they usually do.</p><p>Murdoc impatiently taps his boot on the ground.<br/>"Get in pretty boy, I am not waiting here forever. I can feel your parents staring at me." It gives him shivers just thinking about it.</p><p>"Yeah. Sorry." 2D says.</p><p>Murdoc feels bad for the singer for a moment, but he quickly snaps out of it.</p><p>They both get into the car and Murdoc drives out off the street at top speed. <br/>Murdoc can just imagine 2D his mum holding her heart in fear for her son. <em>Idiot.</em></p><p>As soon as they are out of the street, 2D takes an water bottle off the floor of the car, grabs a handful of pills and chugs them down with the old lukewarm water.</p><p>Murdoc looks over at him and frowns. "Sweet satan, Stu. You alright?"</p><p>"Yeah. Just, my mum doesn't like my, uhm, pill taking habit. So I couldn't take as many as I wanted to, uhm, needed." He closes the lid on the waterbottle and drops it on the floor. " 'Aven't really slept much because of it. I'm exhausted."</p><p>Murdoc wants to insult the singer his mother, but he then decides to just stay quiet. He would strangle anyone who talks badly of his own mother.</p><p>The sun has disappeared and it was starting to get dark fast. Murdoc glances over at the singer and can't help but notice how good 2D looks in the blue light.</p><p>He presses his foot down on the gas gaspadel. The car picks up speed and races past a at least a dozen of other cars, that were in front of it.</p><p>"Murdoc, you're driving way faster than the speed limit!" 2D yells.</p><p>"Sweet satan, Stu. Those are just suggestions, mmm. Don't be so dramatic."</p><p>2D gets a whiff of the bassist his breath and furrows his brows. "You are too drunk to drive. Maybe I should take over?"</p><p>"You? You can't see shit in the dark! I'm fine, look I'm even slowing down a bit for you."</p><p>2D shakes his head. "No, you're not! You're speeding up, you asshole."</p><p>Murdoc laughs and taps the steering wheel with his fingers. "The road is almost empty. Come onnn, trust me a little, blue bird." He is clearly amused at himself. 2D left him to <em>think</em> and for that reason alone, he deserves to tease him at least a little bit.</p><p>The singer stares out of the window and sees the trees and road lights fly by. He holds on tight to the grab handle, his knuckles white.</p><p>"You're a wanker." 2D says, his voice calmer and quiet than before. He has accepted that Murdoc is driving like a maniac, and that he might die in a car crash tonight. He doesn't have the energy to argue about road safety with the drunk bassist.</p><p>Murdoc keeps tapping his fingers on the wheel, listening to the music that is faintly playing on the radio. After a while of driving, he looks over his shoulder at the singer.</p><p>2D his head is hanging down and his eyes are closed. His blue hair is covering his face. Some drool is dripping from his chin. His hand is still holding on to the grab handle. <em>So dramatic.</em><br/>Murdoc chuckles at his band member. It reminds Murdoc of all the times 2D had fallen asleep on the couch watching films with him.</p><p>Murdoc sighs and pulls over into a small side road. <em>You really have become a big softy.</em> He had seen a sign a little while back, that suggested that there is a hotel nearby.</p><p>Murdoc stops the car stops abruptly, waking the singer up.</p><p>"Hey, sleepy head." Murdoc looks at 2D with a grin on his face.</p><p>2D looks around through the car window. "Where are we?"</p><p>"At some hotel. You fell asleep. And I could use some sleep as well." Murdoc yawns without covering his mouth.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Want to go inside, or are you going to fall sleep in the car again?"</p><p>"Inside." 2D stretches his arms out in front of him. His cheeks and ears are red and his hair looks messy.</p><p>Murdoc feels his stomach turn and his chest heat up. <em>He looks adorable. No, still mad.</em> "Alright, lets go inside then, sunshine."</p><p>They walk towards the front door of the hotel, when Murdoc notices how much 2D sways side to side. </p><p>
  <em>Get over your stupid fucking pride and help the poor idiot.</em>
</p><p>"Ey, Stu. Let me help you, yeah?"</p><p>2D nods and leans into the bassist, hanging on the shorter man his shoulder. Murdoc slides his arm around the singer his slender waist, and pulls him closer.</p><p>"Better?"</p><p>"Yeah. Better." </p><p>Murdoc holds the door open for 2D and greets the young man at the front desk.</p><p>"Welcome, what can I do for you?" The man asks.</p><p>"We'd like a room for the night please." Murdoc says, with 2D still leaning on his shoulder.</p><p>"Two single beds or a double bed?"</p><p>Murdoc scratches his head and looks over at the singer. "Uhm..."</p><p>"A double bed please." 2D says.</p><p>Murdoc feels a smile thug at the sides of his mouth. <em>A double bed.</em></p><p>"Alright, and how would you like to pay?" The young man asks.</p><p>"Card." Murdoc steps closer to the counter, carefully pushing 2D off him.</p><p>The man hands Murdoc the key after he payed for the room and wishes them a good night.</p><p>The two bandmembers walk into their room for the night and immediately sit down on the bed.</p><p>2D pulls his jeans down his legs and drops them on the floor.</p><p>The bassist looks over at the singer and feels the sudden urge to grab him, and never let go. <em>Why was I mad at him again? </em></p><p>There here is, sitting on the bed in only his boxers. His blue hair and pale skin, looking stunning in the ill-lid hotel room.</p><p>Murdoc pulls his gaze away from the younger man and rubs his hands together. He gets up and plugs his phone charger into the power outlet above the nightstand.</p><p>"Good night, Muds." 2D says, pulling the sheets over his lanky body.</p><p>"Uhm, yeah. Good night, Stu." Murdoc undresses himself and walks over to the light switch. He dims the light and lays down in the bed.</p><p>Murdoc feels 2D his slender fingers grab the back of his head to pull his head closer. He thinks for a moment, but gives into 2D his touch.</p><p>2D places a soft kiss on his lips that make his insides melt. <em>I missed you. I missed you so much. I am so sorry for being an idiot. </em>The singer removes his hand from Murdoc his head and places it under his own cheek.</p><p>Murdoc hears a snoring coming from the younger man next to him, not even 3 minutes later. He wishes he could fall asleep that easily, but his thoughts are all over the place. He turns over to his side and grabs his phone from the nightstand.</p><p>He clicks the phone on and sees a text message on the screen. There is a message that he reads without opening the notification.</p><p>
  <em>Hey Murdoc. I missed you today. Please text me. </em>
</p><p>Murdoc groans. <em>Shit, totally forgot. </em>He turns the phone screen off and rolls over to face the blue haired singer.</p><p>Eventually he falls into a deep sleep. His hand resting on the singer his thigh.</p><p>The next morning when he wakes up, it takes him a little while to realize that he isn't home, in his or in the singer his bed, but that he is in a hotel room. He glances over at 2D, who is still fast asleep. He walks over to the bathroom and takes a shower.</p><p>2D his eyes flutter open. <em>Oh, right. I'm at a hotel. With Murdoc. </em>He sits up on the bed and can hear sound of the shower running in the background. <em>What time is it. </em>He searches for his phone in the pile of clothes on the floor. <em>Probably for</em><em>got it in the car.</em></p><p>He looks over at Murdoc his side of the bed, where the bassist his phone is. 2D reaches his arm out and grabs Murdoc his phone. The phone screen is cracked so badly that it looks like he had thrown it on the floor, on purpose. <em>Maybe that is exactly what happened to it. </em></p><p>He turns the phone screen on. A message catching his eye.</p><p>
  <em>Hey Murdoc. I missed you today. Please text me. </em>
</p><p>2D his eyes widen and his heart starts racing in his chest. The message is from someone named Sophia.</p><p>
  <em>Sophia? Who is that? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had never heard Murdoc talk about someone named Sophia. </em>
</p><p>2D reads the message again.</p><p>
  <em>Hey Murdoc. I missed you today. Please text me. </em>
</p><p>All of a sudden he feels extremely dizzy. <em>Who is Sophia and why does she miss Murdoc?</em></p><p>He hears Murdoc coming out of the bathroom and quickly throws the phone to the other side of the bed.</p><p>"Morning, Stu. Sleep well?" Murdoc offers the singer a big smile and walks over to the bed.</p><p>"I slept fine." 2D says whilst he stands up and grabs his clothes from the floor. "We should hurry up and go home."</p><p>Murdoc looks at the singer with a puzzled look on his face. "Yeah. Whatever you want. We have plenty of time before we have to check out though."</p><p>"So?"</p><p>"I don't know I just thought. Yesterday we-"</p><p>"We?"</p><p>"Yeah. We." Murdoc frowns at the singer.  "Is something wrong?"</p><p>"No. Everything's fine." 2D walks towards the bathroom, but Murdoc grabs him by his wrist. <br/>"Let me go, wanker."</p><p>Murdoc is surprised by the singer his harsh tone and lets go of his wrist. His optimism melts like an ice cube in a microwave.</p><p>"Stu, can you please tell me what's wrong?" He nervously fidgets with his t-shirt sleeve. "Because after you kissed me yesterday..., I thought we were okay. Still needed to work on stuff, but okay nonetheless."</p><p>"I'll tell you what's wrong." 2D steps in front of the bassist with an angry look in his dark eyes. <br/>"I have only been gone for a few days, and you are already snogging some bird?" 2D tries hard to hide the sadness in his voice.</p><p>"What bird are you talking about Dents?" Murdoc says, confused at this whole conversation.</p><p>"Sophia."</p><p>Murdoc covers his mouth with his hand and starts laughing. All the nerves leave his body.</p><p>"Why-" He looks confused at the bassist who can't seem to stop laughing. 2D feels like he is being mocked and his eyes tear up. "Why are you laughing at me?"</p><p>Murdoc stops laughing when he sees the singer his watery eyes. "No, no. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because you made me nervous."</p><p>"Well then... Who is Sophia?" 2D asks, his bottom lip trembling.</p><p>"Uhm... how do you know about her?"</p><p>"I wanted to know what time it was, but I think I left my phone in the car, and then I grabbed your phone to check the time, and saw that she had messaged you." 2D puts his hand on his hip to look more intimidating. "Can you answer <em>my</em> question now."</p><p>Murdoc clears his throat, feeling how all the nerves are coming back to him. "Sophia is... uhm, well, Sophia is my therapist, Stu."</p><p>"Your therapist?" 2D doesn't know what answer he was expecting from the bassist, but he does know that this wasn't it.</p><p>"Yeah." Murdoc drags his hand through his hair nervously. "She has been for a few months now. I missed our appointment yesterday. Because I, uhm, got drunk off my arse." He looks down at his feet, not wanting to look at the singer. "She doesn't want me to show up drunk anymore. Says it's self sabotage or whatever."</p><p>"Oh. I thought-"</p><p>"Did you really think that I-" The words die on Murdoc his tongue. He feels hurt, that 2D would even think that way about him.</p><p>"What should I have thought reading that message? You didn't tell me?"</p><p>"Stu, you're a sodding idiot."</p><p>2D tilts his head up and gives the bassist an angry look. "Bite me." He scoffs.</p><p>Murdoc takes a step into the singer his direction and smirks.</p><p>"That was not an invitation for you to get horny." 2D shakes his head, but can't help feeling some relief, some relief that the tension had been lifted. "I'm still mad at you."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah. I know." Murdoc his face becomes expressionless as he runs his fingers through his hair.</p><p>"Why didn't you just tell me?" 2D asks.</p><p>"Because I didn't want you to know."</p><p>"You don't trust me, do you?"</p><p>Murdoc balls his fists, his nails dig into the palms of his hands. He isn't sure who the anger is directed to, to himself or to the singer.</p><p>2D feels a pit in his stomach when the bassist doesn't respond. "You don't."</p><p>"Sweet satan, it has nothing to with trust. I-" The anger in his chest start to bubble. A red hue covers the room and his vision starts to get blurry. He raises his fist up into the air. But when he sees the singer flinch, he instantly drops his fist down to his side. Murdoc pretends like he didn't see 2D flinch, but feels like an asshole for scaring him. He clears his throat before he says; "That is not the reason why I didn't tell you. I do trust you, Dents. More than anyone else."</p><p>2D looks down whilst fidgeting with his slender fingers. "Then why didn't you tell me?"</p><p>"Because I feel like a failure, Stu. You and Noodle, and hell, even Russel, have been telling me to go and get help, time and time again. For years now."<br/>Murdoc sighs and drags his nails over his scalp again.<br/>"I went to therapy a few years ago. But apparently I wasn't making enough progress, had been going for nothing. I was still a traumatized, abusive fuck. I was, hell, I still am, someone who hurts you." Murdoc says. "Anyway, I stopped going for a while, but when you guys kept telling me to go and get help, I did. I started going again, for you."</p><p>2D stares at the bassist, feeling angry at himself for not noticing how much effort Murdoc had put in. Angry for accusing him off sleeping with someone else. Angry for pushing him to help, even though he was already doing that <em>for him.</em></p><p>"I guess it was for nothing again. I still hurt you." Murdoc says. "I'm a cock up." He lets his chin fall to his chest, hair covering up a big part of his face.</p><p>2D pushes himself to stand up straight and walk closer towards the older man. "You have made plenty of progress." He takes the bassist his hand and squeezes it.</p><p>Murdoc feels the tension leave his fist and wraps his fingers around 2D's hand. "I don't think I have. You didn't even know that I went to therapy."</p><p>"That is because you didn't tell me, idiot. How was I supposed to know that?" 2D puts his thumb underneath the bassist his chin. Lifting his head up, so that he can look him in the eyes.<br/>"Just because I didn't know doesn't mean that you haven't made any progress. I'm proud of you for going and for working on yourself, really."</p><p>"Oh sod off, Stu."</p><p>"No really. I have noticed that you have been doing better, that you have been nicer and calmer. You are able to control your anger better. And I am proud of you for that." 2D says, his hand still on the bassist his face.</p><p>Murdoc feels his cheeks warming up. "Thank you, Stu." He says softly. "I do really try to stay calm."</p><p>"I know you do." 2D pulls the shorter man in front of him into a hug. "Please don't keep things like this from me."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm sorry." Murdoc his voice sounds muffled against the singer his chest.</p><p>"I'm sorry too." 2D says. He plants his chin on top of the bassist his head. The bassist his hairs tickling in his nose.</p><p>Murdoc chuckles. "I can't believe that you really thought I was snogging my therapist. I must admit, I am happy that you got upset about that. And that you thought I could find someone that fast. I mean obviously I can, but I wouldn't." <em>I could never find </em><em>someone</em><em> like </em><em>you</em><em>.</em></p><p>2D wants to argue with the bassist, and inflate his ego a bit, but he can't bring up the energy to do so, so he just stays quiet. </p><p>They both lay down on top of the bed. The bassist lays down behind 2D and pulls him close to him. <br/>Murdoc his arm is wrapped around the singer his waist and his chin leaning on top of his head.</p><p>"Sophia is a sexy name." 2D says softly, as if that justifies the assumptions that he had made.</p><p>Murdoc chuckles and pulls the singer in closer. "Yeah, you're right. But she's only 26. I could have been her dad."</p><p>2D laughs and closes his heavy eyelids.<br/>"Sometimes I forget how old you are."</p><p>He thinks back at the time when they were younger, when it was just the two of them in the band. All the times that they sat in his old bedroom, drinking several sixpacks of beer a day, writing music and talking about everything and nothing. Hanging out with Murdoc really pissed his parents off, but his edgy younger self loved that. Hanging out with Murdoc felt so wrong, that it felt just right.</p><p>"Oi, watch it. I still feel young." Murdoc presses a kiss on top of the singer his head. "Besides, I got you. Wouldn't want to fuck that up."</p><p>2D his lips tug upwards and he nods his head. "You do have me." <br/><br/><br/></p><p> </p>
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